Romance Your Spouse

Lessons from WHITE CHRISTMAS

2009-12-17T00:09:00.001-06:00

One of my favorite things to do during the weeks leading up to Christmas is curl up in the double recliner with my husband and watch holiday movies. Okay, so most of them aren’t Academy Award material. In fact, usually they’re downright sappy. But that’s part of the fun, putting aside the stress of Christmas busy-ness and enjoying a little laughter and maybe a tear or two.

My all-time favorite is White Christmas. I never tire of watching Bing Crosby, Rosemary Clooney, Danny Kaye, and Vera Ellen croon and dance and enjoy a little romance in that quaint Vermont lodge.

The movie has a lot to say about couple communication, if you’re paying attention. As Betty and Bob grow closer, Bob makes plans to surprise the general on Christmas Eve. Betty overhears only part of the conversation, and to her, it sounds like Bob is out for his own gain at the general’s expense. But instead of confronting Bob, she packs up and heads off to the big city, leaving Bob to wonder what went wrong.

Needless to say, things turn out fine in the end, and of course if not for Bob and Betty’s miscommunication, there wouldn’t be the same romantic conflict in the story. In real life, however, we could do without the additional drama of half-heard conversations and misconstrued motives. Don’t let misunderstandings spoil your relationship, whether during the holidays or year-round. Talk things out. Share what’s on your heart. Your marriage will be stronger for it.

2009-12-07T11:01:00.002-06:00

Hello, folks.

I'm sorry. I know I said I would provide my list for the 12 Romantic Days of Christmas, but truth is, almost everyone in our family has been sick, off and on, for the last 3 weeks.

It started with one of my sons, then hit Hubby, worked its way to me, and has finally taken my daughter down. Only one child hasn't been sick through all of this, and I have a feeling he will get hit soon.

I'm tellin' ya, nothing tests the bonds of holy matrimony than like the "In sickness and in health" clause.

"In health" can be tough.

"In sickness" is downright impossible. Okay, not impossible, but very, very difficult.

At first, we were doing pretty well working as a team. One of us took care of the sick child while the other kept the two healthy ones in line.

Then Hubby got sick, and the dynamic shifted. He was doing good to make it out of bed in the morning and get to work. I was struggling to maintain the house and the children, so I abandoned the house and focused on the kids.

When I got the cold, the dynamic shifted again. I am a HUGE baby when I get sick. Whiny, grouchy, complaining, cranky. Not pretty. So then the team concept was abandoned and it was every man (and woman) for him/herself.

So we're both taking medicine to minimize our symptoms and trying to keep the children from killing themselves. The house became (and still is) a war zone, and neither of us really cared. We were both struggling to find a way to rest. Hubby felt better in the mornings, and I felt better in the evenings, so we worked from there.

Then our daughter got it, and Hubby and I just can't shake the stupid cold. Our son finally got over it, and the other is still immune (so far).

Basically, there has been no romance going on in our lives, the tension has been high, but I think we're finally starting to come together. Last night we both sat down on the bed after changing all the bedding because the toddler threw up on herself and the entire bed from a coughing fit. We looked at each other, not talking, and collapsed together - shoulder to shoulder - and sat like that for ten minutes.

Then we went to sleep. So I think we're getting there.

Nothing ever goes as planned, but learning to roll with the tide has kept us afloat so far.

Later.

2009-11-30T00:57:00.000-06:00

Happy Monday.

Or at least, I hope you're having a happy Monday.

While thumbing through the book 1001 Ways to be Romantic by Gregory Godek, I found a page devoted to Christmas.

The author suggested giving your spouse the 12 Romantic Days of Christmas.

The list seemed (to me) to be more of what a husband would give his wife and included:
(And you have to sing the music either aloud or in your head)

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me . . . (etc, etc, etc)

A red rose in a bud vase
2 Bottle of Champagne
3 French Kisses
4 Nights of Dancing
5 Golden Rings
6 Bubble Baths
7 Movie Passes
8 Beanie Babies
9 Coupons for Back Rubs
10 Shares of Microsoft Stock
11 Heart-Shaped Balloons
12 CD's of The Beatles

So I thought I'd go ahead and try to come up with a list of 12 things to do for, or give to, my Hubby for Christmas. Now mind you, our list will be different from what others might want to do because we are broke and struggle to find time alone with three kids as it is.

Next week I will post my list, and I'll just have to ban Hubby from reading the blog until after Christmas.

Now it's your turn to come up with a list of 12 things to do for your spouse for the 12 Romantic Days of Christmas.

Later.

Thanksgiving Madness

2009-11-23T08:57:00.002-06:00

Well, Thanksgiving is this week.

My feelings on the holidays are mixed this year. And lest any family members who happen to read this post become upset with me, let me explain.

I love visiting family on Thanksgiving. And Christmas. And New Year's. Easter. The Fourth of July.

Any reason to get the family together to eat, laugh, and talk . . . I'm in. Regardless of which side of the family it is. Love spending time with Hubby's family as much as my own, and I know that is a rare and wonderful gift.

And I'm lucky because Hubby feels the same way.

Our problems with Holidays begin before we even leave the house. As usual, it's the kids who pose the problem.

As a side note, if you don't have kids yet, or your kids are grown and gone, you might not relate to this post, or you might just have Vietnam-like flashbacks, and not want to read any further.

Hubby and I are tense and angry before we ever get out the door because we spend anywhere from an hour to two hours getting ready to leave, and the kids are screaming and fighting the whole time because they were ready to leave hours ago and we're taking way too long.

We yell at the kids for yelling at us, and then we feel guilty and end up yelling at each other.

Then we sit in the car and stew about who yelled at who first, and what is your (insert spouse's name here) problem anyway. We have a long drive and a long couple of days ahead, and we don't want to spend the whole time arguing.

Then the kids start fighting. The Princess is hitting her brothers because they keep sticking their heads in her face because they are leaning over her trying to fight with each other because someone took someone else's toy, and they had it first, and give it back now.

And the Princess usually steals it from them both, and then screams her head off when they try to take it back, and Hubby and I usually end up screaming for everyone to be quiet, which one of the twins then feels obligated to point out that we're being loud, too. To which Hubby and I revert to six year olds ourselves, and everyone spends five minutes arguing about who yelled at who first.

Once we finally end this cycle of nonsense, Hubby and I are stressed and ticked off, and no one wants to talk to anyone. And then we arrive at our destination, and our families wonder what in the world everyone is so angry about.

And what does any of this have to do with romancing your spouse, you might ask? Well, I'll tell you. This year is going to be different because I am going to make a pointed effort to make it different. I'm going to try my hardest to stay calm in the face of chaos, and stand united with Hubby instead of letting the situation get out of control and turning on each other, too.

We're going to make a point of spending some time alone, even if it's just taking a short walk around the block after we arrive, to take the edge off the trip and enjoy just a moment of alone time.

Or we might do the dishes together.

Peel potatoes . . . together.

Set the table . . . together.

You get the idea. Traveling with kids is stressful. But we can't let it drive a wedge between us. No one wins, and we want to have the most pleasant holiday possible. So ANY time you can spend having a private moment with your honey is important. Take it where you can get it, and be sure to tell your sweetie you love them. And mean it.

I hope your Thanksgiving is a good one. Enjoy each other, and find a few moments alone with your spouse, even if you have to hide in a closet.

Later.

And the winner is...

2009-11-22T18:11:00.001-06:00

Congratulations Karen you've won both books; Thirsty by Tracey Bateman & Touched by A Vampire by Beth Felker Jones!

I'll be sending you an email privately to get your mailing address.

Congratulations! Enjoy!

Amy

Dinner for two - Pasta Puttanesca

2009-11-20T06:00:00.000-06:00

Many of you have asked us to continue the Dinner for Two series and since you are so important to us, we are happy to oblige your love of couple time as you linger over a delicious and easy meal. Here's to you and a happy marriage! Enjoy & God's blessings!

I found this recipe eons ago in a local newspaper when my husband and I first got married and moved to southern California and it's been a staple in our home ever since. Normally I pair this dish with a Caesar salad and of course, garlic bread to help "sop" up all those extra juices!

Pasta Puttanesca

4 servings

1/4 cup olive oil

4 cloves of garlic, peeled and minced

6 anchovy fillets, drained and mashed or 1.5 TBSP anchovy paste

3 TBSP. capers

1/8 crushed red pepper flakes - add a pinch more if you like it spicy!

1 handful Kalamata olives, roughly chopped

1 bunch fresh basil, chopped or 1 tsp. dried basil

1 28 ounce can of crushed tomatoes

1/2 cup chopped parsley

12 ounces spaghetti - cooked and drained - reserving a cup of the pasta liquid

Grated Parmesan or Pecorino Romano cheeses

Directions:

In a large skillet heat oil over medium heat and saute garlic and anchovies, cook until dissolved. Stir in the next 5 ingredients and bring to a slow boil. Reduce the heat and simmer for 10 minutes. If the sauce gets thick add in a little of the reserved pasta water. The sauce should not be pasty or runny, just saucy! :) Remove from heat. Stir in parsley and pour over pasta. Sprinkle with cheeses.

Voila! Dinner is served! And as they say in Italy...Mangia! Mangia! Eat! Eat!

As a side note: when I want this dish to be a little heartier, I've sauteed .5 pound of Italian sausage and added it to the sauce. The sausage compliments the sauce nicely and adds that little extra "oomph" factor that we need when my hubby has spent all day working in the garage. :)

In sickness and in health

2009-11-19T00:10:00.001-06:00

Want to find out how much your spouse really loves you? Just put the “in sickness” part of your wedding vows to the test!

And since this is the cold-and-flu season, we should have plenty of opportunities. I’m snuggled up in my jammies this week with a sore throat and stuffy head. Where is my husband? He’s been on a business trip. Convenient how he so often manages to be out of town while I’m home suffering! For two days I had to fix my own oatmeal for breakfast, heat up canned chicken noodle soup for lunch, zap a Lean Cuisine for supper, and generally take care of myself (and the dogs!).

Seriously, my sweetie doesn’t travel that much, and he’s usually very considerate and attentive when I’m sick. His “love language” is Acts of Service, so he takes great pleasure in doing little things for me even when I’m well.

However, one of my main “love languages” is Quality Time, and since my husband is often so busy doing, he forgets how much I appreciate his just being--his presence, focus, and attention. Especially when I’m sick, I enjoy comforting words, a foot rub, being read to, or just having my sweetie sit with me. The good news is, if I ask him, he usually obliges.

Whether you’re sick or healthy, what speaks love to you? Are some of your spouse’s messages getting lost in translation? Maybe it’s time to sit down together for a “language lesson.”

Game On!!

2009-11-18T06:00:00.001-06:00

The other day as our boys were hanging out with their friends, looked across the room as my husband who had a zombie look pasted on his face and thought, “It’s time for a little fun!” But what’s a couple to do with a houseful of boys under their feet? Hmmm, time for some quick thinking…

Our youngest child is to say the least, a hockey freak! The child lives NHL. In fact, a few years ago, one of his teachers told us in a parent-teacher conference that she’d finally figured out the only way to get him to pay attention in math class was to put the problems into hockey terms, as in … “If a hockey team was sitting on the bench waiting to hit the ice and the Zamboni ran over two of the sticks, how many sticks would be left?” Way to go Teach!

All this to say, our child has an air hockey table in his room. Surprised? Don’t be. In fact, I think our son would much rather sleep on top of the table rather than in his own bed, but a mom’s gotta put her foot down somewhere, don’t you agree? So while the kids were busy burning out their brains on video games with their friends, I grabbed my husband and challenged him to a game of air hockey.

Now to some this may not sound like any fun. However, let me just say, I am a lone woman in a sea of males, and when times get desperate, the desperate play sports! With a wink and a nod he knew not to say a lick about what we were going to go do to the troops laying at our feet, lest they spoil our fun. Ever so quietly we made our way down the hall to our son’s room, quietly locked the door behind us and flicked on the table. Yahooie! Game On!

Now I will say that nothing spurs on my husband like a little healthy competition. He knows he can beat me at well, basically anything sports related and I’m ok with that. Yet having grown up with 2 older brothers, I’d like to think that I could hold my own… at least for a minute or two.

So there we were, jostling for the puck, slamming it down the boards and lovin’ every minute of it. Of course, it took all of 3.2 seconds for the boys to come pounding on the door…thank heavens for locks! They begged, they pleaded, they whined. Naturally we did what every other married couple would do in our situation, we screamed, “Go away! Leave us alone!”

When the kids realized we were not opening the door, they headed back to their video games and we continued our match. Pucks hit the wall, bounced off our son’s dresser and I think we may have chipped some paint off his desk, but…o-well, nothing a little touch-up won’t fix.

For the next half hour we laughed, cheered and taunted each other about one another’s awesome air hockey skills.

When at last the hockey paddles were laid down, we knew we’d built another fun memory. One that included me winning 2 games, I might add. Ok, ok, so we played 10 and he took the other 8 but who’s counting? You’re right; we both are which means there will be a rematch soon, very, very soon!

Spur of the moment games can be lots of fun. If gives you a chance to talk smack, beef up each other’s bravado and simply laugh until your sides hurt. Who says kids get all the fun anyway? So get out there, go hit a bucket of golf balls, play a game of ping-pong or shoot some pucks.

Comedian Victor Borge once said, "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people." Grab your spouse, spark a some laughter and get a little closer.

Blog Tour Continues with a 2 book giveaway!

2009-11-16T09:05:00.002-06:00

Happy Monday everyone!

I hope that you’re off to a great week. To help get things started in the right direction, I’ll be posting two reviews with a chance to win a copy of both books. Just read the review, post a comment and we’ll put your name in the hat. Winners will be announced on Sunday! Good luck and happy reading!

Touched by a Vampire – Discovering the Hidden Messages in the Twilight Saga
Beth Felker Jones
Multnomah Publishers

Back Cover:

Examining Twilight through a biblical lens.
People around the world are enraptured with Edward and Bella’s forbidden romance in the Twilight Saga, a four-book serial phenomenon written by Stephanie Meyer. The bestsellers tell the story of a regular girl’s relationship with a vampire who has chosen to follow his “good” side. But the Saga isn’t just another fantasy – it’s teaching girls about love, sex and purpose. With 48 million copies in print and a succession of upcoming blockbuster films, now is the time to ask the important question: Can vampires teach us about God’s plan for love?

Touched by a Vampire investigates the themes of the Twilight Saga from a Biblical perspective. Some Christian readers have praised moral principles illustrated in the story, such as premarital sexual abstinence, which align with Meyer’s Mormon beliefs. But ultimately, Beth Felker Jones examines whether the story’s redemptive qualities outshine its darkness.

Cautionary, thoughtful and challenging, Touched by a Vampire is written for Twilight fans, parents, teachers and youth workers. It includes an overview of the series for those unfamiliar with the storyline and a discussion guide for small groups.

My take:

Everyone you talk to nowadays has Twilight on the brain. Don’t you just love Bella and Edward? Isn’t he the most romantic guy you’ve ever seen? Wouldn’t you love to be Bella? On and on they rave until you have to read for yourself what all the fuss is about.

Millions of fans are raving about this new series by Stephanie Meyer and everyone seems to have their hands on a copy of these books and have waited in lines to see the movie. But as I was told as a child, everything that glitters is not gold. Such is the case, when you consider loving a vampire or a werewolf.

So what’s a parent or teacher working with teens to do when faced with teenagers who idolize this love story?

Enter in, Touched by a Vampire by Beth Felker Jones. Ms. Felker Jones has clearly done her homework and compared the angst-ridden teenage love story against God’s biblical teaching of what is true, right and pure.

Within in each chapter Ms. Felker Jones gives us the opportunity to talk with our loved ones about God’s love for us through the use of thought-provoking questions. Each chapter uncovers hidden truths that will get your mentee thinking twice about the glamour and the glory of being in love with a vampire.

For example, in chapter 2 titled, Dazzled, Ms. Felker Jones showcases the all-consuming love that Bella has for Edward and is quick to point out, “We shouldn’t view the destructive power of the love between Bella and Edward through rose-tinted glasses. At first glance, it seems passionate and intense to this about loving someone so much that you would die for him or die without him. Death should not be taken so lightly. Death is a terrible enemy, a monster that leaves grief in its wake.”

These types of comparisons are highly important topics that need to be discussed as you talk with your children and even your friends about the truths behind the Saga. Touched by a Vampire is a must-have tool in separating fiction from God’s truth as it applies to true love and how it is truly meant to be.

5 stars

For purchasing information please visit: http://www.waterbrookmultnomah.com/
***This book was provided by WaterBrook Press for review purposes only. No cash or payment of any type was received for this review.***

Blog Tour - Book # 2

2009-11-16T09:00:00.001-06:00

Thirsty
Tracey Bateman
WaterBrook Press

Back Cover:

THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME, THEY SAY.

“Hello, I’m Nina Parker…and I’m an alcoholic.”For Nina, it’s not the weighty admission but the first steps toward recovery that prove most difficult. She must face her ex-husband, Hunt, with little hope of making amends, and try to rebuild a relationship with her angry teenage daughter, Meagan. Hardest of all, she is forced to return to Abbey Hills, Missouri, the hometown she abruptly abandoned nearly two decades earlier—and her unexpected arrival in the sleepy Ozark town catches the attention of someone—or something—igniting a two-hundred-fifty-year-old desire that rages like wildfire.Unaware of the darkness stalking her, Nina is confronted with a series of events that threaten to unhinge her sobriety. Her daughter wants to spend time with the parents Nina left behind. A terrifying event that has haunted Nina for almost twenty years begins to surface. And an alluring neighbor initiates an unusual friendship with Nina, but is Markus truly a kindred spirit or a man guarding dangerous secrets?As everything she loves hangs in the balance, will Nina’s feeble grasp on her demons be broken, leaving her powerless against the thirst? The battle between redemption and obsession unfolds to its startling, unforgettable end.

My take:

Ok, I have to admit, I’m a chicken. I don’t do horror movies, those paranormal shows scare me and Stephen King is not, I repeat, NOT my friend. So to be honest, I agreed to read and review Thirsty by Tracey Bateman for 2 reasons: first, I really enjoy Tracey Bateman’s writing. She’s an incredible writer with talent galore, especially when it comes to the Westward Hearts series –a few of my all time favorites! Secondly, I grabbed a chance to read her latest book, out of pure curiousity. Christian vampire fiction, really? There exists such a thing? How is that possible? Let’s see…

Nina Parker is a captivating heroine battling to get her life back on track after years of alcohol abuse. She’s lost everything: a thriving career, a gorgeous husband and her 2 sweet children. And when she heads back home after a stint in rehab you’d think she’d be on the road to recovery, right? Well, yes and no. Going home is never easy, especially when you have to face those you’ve hurt and those you’ve lied to. To compound the situation Nina’s teenage daughter has a major attitude problem and the once peaceful small town is being threatened by someone or something that is killing its residents and animals.

Thirsty is a captivating story about a woman who’s made all the right choices only to blow them all to pieces because of her addiction. Nina is a dynamic heroine who learns that she can be stronger than her addiction, one step and one day at a time even when life is hard and there’s a vampire waiting your return.

I have to mention there were two uncomfortable parts to reading Thirsty. As I mentioned earlier, I’m a scaredy-cat and I don’t like things that go bump in the night, so a few of the scenes in the book were a bit too graphic for me. However, for those of you who love horror movies with Freddie, Jason and Chucky, I’m sure you’ll feel right at home with the eerieness that caused me to look over my shoulder more than once. Enjoy!

Now for the tough part. This one area was a sticking point for me as a Christian reader. And while it may not be that important to some, for me, leaving out the God element in this book, left me feeling very disappointed. Thirsty parallels Nina’s thirst for alcohol and the vampires thirst for Nina. Ok, no problem. I also get that the book is a vampire story. No problem. So where’s the problem? No God.

I was able to suspend my disbelief about vampires and enjoy a really good book about struggles, sacrifice and redemption, but I wanted to see Nina understand and accept that God was in her life either because she came to know him because of her alcoholism or by seeing him mirrored in the lives of those she loved. However that did not happen. With one minor exception, there was little to no mention of God throughout the entire book. Now I understand metaphors and the good vs. evil battlefield. Obviously we're given evil by way of the vampire and his adversary, but where was the good? Where was God? I wish it had been clearly spelled out so that I could’ve not only cheered on Nina’s success over addiction, I could’ve read with anticipation as God trampled over evil once again.

Overall, I'd rate this book a 3.5 out of 5 stars for the author's ability to tell an excellent story - I just wish God had been prevelant in this Christian fiction story.

For purchasing information please visit: www. waterbrookmultnomah.com

*** This book was provided by WaterBrook Press for review purposes only, no cash or payment was received for this review.***

And the winner is...

2009-11-15T05:17:00.002-06:00

Camille!

CONGRATULATIONS Camille!

Thanks to all who stopped by and posted. We, here at Romance Your Spouse appreciate your following and feedback and look forward to many opportunities to hear from you!

Be on the lookout tomorrow for another chance to win a free book. This week I'll be giving away 2 books to one lucky winner! Stay tuned and keep posting!

God's blessings to all,
Amy

Just The Two of Us

2009-11-12T00:00:00.001-06:00

Again. :) The kids all went on a church teen retreat this past weekend. They love going to those and Dan and I love that they do.

Once again we had the house to ourselves and a weekend to just go with the flow--and get some early Christmas shopping in. On Friday evening we went to browse for gifts and out to eat. Dan let me choose and of course I picked one of my favorite places--Olive Garden. The food was great, the time together even greater and we enjoyed talking about what to get everyone.

On Saturday, we left the house early so we could get that shopping done and be back for the football games Dan wanted to watch. We looked again, then made our decisions and I'm happy to say that most of our major shopping is done.

After lunch, we came home and I got in some household chores and a little writing while Dan watched the first of his games. A break for supper at IHop--his choice this time, and we had time to stop at Target before game time once more. Back at home, I hid all the gifts and read a little while the game was on.

It was a great weekend with time to just be together, whether we were talking or just keeping each other company. More romantic than it might sound--it's a blessing to love doing that, still, after all these years. :)

Blog Book Tour and Book Giveaway!

2009-11-09T09:45:00.001-06:00

This week I have been invited by Water Brook Press to showcase White Picket Fences by Susan Meissner. We invite you to take a moment and read the review and post a comment. Every person who leaves a comment will be automatically entered for a chance to wina copy of White Picket Fences. The winner will be announced on Friday!

White Picket Fences
Susan Meissner
Water Brook Press 2009
http://www.randomhouse.com/

Amanda and Neil Janvier and their two children, Delcey and Chase are the Norman Rockwell poster family of the 21st century complete with a proverbial white picket fence. However, when Amanda's brother disappears, leaving behind his sixteen year old daughter Tally, Amanda steps in to offer the normalcy of family life.

Chase and Tally team up to complete a school project interviewing two Holocaust survivors. But as they dig deeper into the history of the survivors they begin to unearth keys that will unlock many truths of the past that will possibly destroy the Janvier family. Can Tally help the Janvier's look for the truth and keep their family from falling apart? Or will long ago secrets destroy this perfect little family?

Author Susan Meissner has once again touched the heart of family relationships in her latest book, White Picket Fences. Through throught provoking characters and situational dynamics we learn the destruction that takes place when secrets are kept hidden. Ms. Meissner show us in White Picket Fences, the harder we try to hide a secret, the more it tends to surface in our lives. And what started out as a way to protect our loved ones, only leads to shame and heartache until, in the end, the truth is told.

For purchase information please visit http://www.randomhouse.com/

***This book was provided by Water Brook Press for review purposes only, no cash, or payment was received for this review.***

Run for the door!

2009-11-04T06:00:00.001-06:00

Like many of you out there, I'm a very busy mother. My life is constantly packed with work, daily chores, running children all over God’s green earth and taking care of my hubby who travels for work. It's not hard to imagine that we, as a couple don’t have much alone time. More times than not, our mantra feels like “seek, conquer and divide,” especially on the weekends when we're busy trying to balance sports and church activities and getting together with family and friends. Now don't get me wrong, we LOVE our family, truly we do, however, there are times when we both need some quality time just the two of us without one of our kids jumping on our very last nerve! {{grin}}

In fact this past month, for one reason or another, our life has been especially challenging. There never seemed to be more than just a scant half hour for meal time before we were being torn in a multitude of different directions. I dread those times, ya know the ones where you simply feel as if you're robots stuck in survival mode, ya those times. No fun, no giggling, just work, work, work. Blah, blah, blah, ugh! It's draining.

So last night as I returned home from gathering kids from school and sports, a lightbulb clicked on…it’s early afternoon, there are leftovers, a microwave and it’s a beautiful day outside AND none of the kids needed to be anywhere. What? How did this happen?! Immediately my mind went into overdrive. I pulled my hubby aside. Could he possibly sneak away from work a little early? Yes? Hot dog! We’re outta here!

Without a second thought, I yanked out the leftover spaghetti for the kids, gave reheating directions, a firm directive to finish their homework, grabbed my hubby and out the door we flew!

A gorgeous evening to ourselves! Wahoo! I think we left tire tracks in the driveway!! We headed to the lake, took a nice long walk and tried a new restaurant.

Let me tell you folks, those few hours were wonderful! Little did we realize just how much we needed a break from our daily grind. We laughed, talked about the kids, plans for vacations and simply kicked back and relaxed. Absolutely wonderful!

The problem for most of us is remembering to enjoy each other’s company. We’re so bogged down with responsibilities that we forget who we were as a couple before mortgages, kids and bills.

Ya know what made this fun? Spontaneity. My husband teased me about how fast I pulled out dinner for the kids and got their homework organized in order to get out the door. He swore there was smoke coming from my shoes from zipping around the house so quickly!

So, if an opportunity to grab a few precious hours alone with your sweetie presents itself don't think twice, just hit the door running!

Holidays On The Way

2009-11-02T09:49:00.002-06:00

Hello.

Normally, I am a plan ahead kind of gal, but rarely do I get the execution taken care of in a timely manner.

With the holiday season gearing up, it is easy to plan where you'll spend your holidays. Which side of the family gets Thanksgiving and who gets Christmas. If you're like us and both sides of the family are within easy driving distance, you might have more of a problem.

Then there are the kids activities this time of year, with school and church programs, class parties, etc.

So how do you and your spouse survive this time of the year with your sanity intact and your sense of romance going strong?

You plan. Just like you plan for the holiday meals and Christmas program, you plan time with your honey.

It may not be uber-romantic. It may not be spontaneous. It may not sweep you off your feet in a wave of soul-stirring passion, but seriously, did it really do that to begin with?

So work in the time whenever and however you can.

Spending an afternoon grocery shopping for a party? Make plans with your spouse to meet for an early lunch. Try not to focus on the stresses of the day when you're talking over the meal. Focus on the positives and the fun of sneaking in some time together.

Plan a wrapping/football watching afternoon together. You need to wrap presents, and he wants to watch the game. Get the kids out of the house (or lock them in their room), pop some popcorn, bake some cookies, and snack and hangout together.

Get the kids in bed a little early (and this may require extra effort during the day to wear them out) and spend the evening cuddled up in front of a fire, or watching the snow fall, or gazing at the stars, and enjoying the drink of your choice (whether it's wine or a Diet Coke).

Just remember, do your best to keep connected during the holiday season, and it will make for even more holiday cheer . . . and keep you from biting each others' heads off when things get stressful.

Later.

Romance Realities

2009-10-26T09:07:00.003-05:00

Hello.

Well, over the weekend, between t-ball games, meetings, traveling, and baby showers (3 in all), I managed to fit in a little time to talk to my husband.

It was mostly on the trip home while the children were passed out cold in the backseat.

Hubby was very sweet and indulged me in letting me talk about the book I am trying to get finished this week. I discussed a scene I had already finished where the couple in my book have been arguing and fighting their growing attraction for reasons of personal baggage.

Hubby smiled politely, but I caught the slight eye roll.

"What?"

"I didn't say anything." He stared straight ahead.

"You're thinking something."

"No, I'm not." He sounded a little tense.

"You rolled your eyes."

"I didn't." Now he sounded desperate to change the subject.

"What?! Just tell me already."

Now he was more afraid of not telling me. "Okay. Fine. It's just that these two people have been fighting, right?"

"Yes."

"You've set it up to where they are so angry and annoyed with each other they are ready to strangle each other."

"Pretty much, yeah." I smile, thinking of all the chaos and mayhem in store for my characters.

"Then you have them kissing each other's lips off."

My smile gets bigger, thinking of all the tension and feeling going into the kiss. "Yes."

He shrugged. "Well, I don't ever remember us having a fight that ended up with us smooching all over each other."

Hmmm. "Sure we did." Didn't we?

He just raised his eyebrows at me, the look that said, 'Oh, come on. Who are you trying to kid here?'

And the longer I thought about it, the more I realized he was right. He'd go to the garage to work or mow the lawn or go back to watching the game. I'd go read a book (most likely romance), watch TV, or clean something until we cooled down.

Not a lot of lip-lock action going on before, during, or after our fight.

But maybe I should give it a try. Push the negative emotions aside and wrap Hubby in a kiss that curls his toes.

It would probably end the fight a lot faster and put us on the path to making up much sooner.

We'll see how it goes.

Hope you all have a great week and some smoochy-time with your sweetie, but hopefully no fights.

Later.

Wedding Anniversary

2009-10-19T00:31:00.001-05:00

Hello everyone.

This past weekend marked my 11th Wedding Anniversary.

The kids were on Fall Break, and my mother-in-law graciously offered to take the children for a couple of days to give us some desperately needed alone time.

And to be honest, I don't think I realized just how badly Hubby and I needed this time together until we were sitting on the couch the first night they were gone. He looked at me with a mixture of intense relief and happiness, and said, "I'm so glad we're married."

Bestill my heart!

But actually, it surprised me a little, the depth of emotion in his statement. I guess sometimes I forget he needs quiet, uninterrupted time with me just like I need that time with him.

I'm the touchy, feely romantic one in our marriage. Don't get me wrong, Hubby comes up with some really wonderful, romantic gestures.

But I don't think about him needing time with me when I'm not the mother of his children or the practical wife. The one who works with him to keep our household running . . . not running smoothly, mind you . . . just running.

And to keep our children from killing themselves, each other, or us in some tragically funny way.

I forget he needs time just to be with me, the woman he met and fell in love with years ago. And I am still her, buried under layers of mom and wife, home-maker and writer, daughter, sister, and friend . . . and extra pounds, but we won't go there today.

The layers fall away (if only it were so easy with the extra pounds) and there's only us. Enjoying the quiet, talking about what we still want out of life, and remembering why we're still in love.

If you can find a way to get alone-time, take it. Talk. Go for quiet walks. Have dinner together. Make dinner together. Don't worry about making it fancy. Just savor the moment.

Later.

Anybody got a crowbar?

2009-10-15T00:02:00.001-05:00

Confession time. I may write romance novels, but that doesn’t mean my everyday life is particularly romantic. In fact, more often than not, my life is decidedly unromantic.

So I have to ask myself, Whose fault is that?

Can I blame my husband for not being more creative in the romance department?

Can I blame work demands for draining our energy for romance?

Can I blame too much TV, too much Internet, too many chores, too many books in my TBR stack?

It’s much easier to tick off a dozen reasons like these instead of zeroing in on the real culprit--ME.

The solution sounds simple enough--eliminate what distractions I can and reprioritize the rest.

Unfortunately, there’s also the issue of fear. Fear of change. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Somehow the old adage, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained,” doesn’t necessarily instill romantic confidence.

In fact, anytime we make excuses about our lack of romantic creativity (are you listening, sweetie???), I’m pretty sure that’s our own fear talking.

The problem is, once you settle into a rut, it’s not so easy to pry yourself out of it. As we’ve said so many times here at RYS, romance must be intentional. If I want romance in my life, I have to be proactive about it. Alter my TV watching habits. Change out of my baggy sweats once in a while. Exchange Wheel of Fortune for a romantic CD and candlelight dinner (even if it is takeout).

Yep, I’m thinking I need to get hold of a good, sturdy crowbar and start prying.

To Be Read - One Imperfect Christmas by Myra Johnson

2009-10-14T18:23:00.004-05:00

One Imperfect Christmas
Myra Johnson
Abingdon Press
ISBN# 9-787770-052767
5 stars

The holidays, most especially can lend itself to one of two camps, those that love Christmas and those who slightly resemble one of Charles Dickens famous characters. I, however, completely relish every single second of the Christmas holiday season. The moment Thanksgiving dinner is over, I pull out my Christmas music, start decorating all while I’m enjoying a piece of pumpkin pie, of course!

But since I still have a little bit of time before I crawl up into the attic and start pulling down Christmas decorations, I chose to settle into my favorite cozy chair and read Myra Johnson’s debut novel, One Imperfect Christmas. What a true delight!

One Imperfect Christmas tells the story of Natalie Pearce whose faith in God, her family and friends is sorely tested when her mother suffers a debilitating stroke while taking down the holiday decorations. Natalie can’t seem to get past the burdening thought that had she been present to help her mother take down the decorations, she somehow might have been able to prevent her mother’s current condition.

As she struggles to accept her mother’s health condition, her workaholic husband and a tempermental teenager compound life. And as if that were not enough, as Natalie learns that someone is sabotaging her new business venture while the mounting pressures of the emotional guilt she’s carrying around begins to take its toll on her and her loved ones. Will Natalie be able to accept the healing love of through her family be enough to help her cope as the new holiday season approaches or will everything she loves and cares for, all fall to pieces like a shattered Christmas ornament?

What I loved about One Imperfect Christmas is Ms. Johnson’s way of reminding us through this story that life is not without its struggles and heartaches, even in the most beautiful and special times of the year. We see through Natalie that life can be filled with heartache, depression, fear and uncertainty. Yet there is one thing that always remains steadfast and true, God’s love for us.

If you want a good book that will capture your heart and not let it go from the moment you pick it up, this will be the book for you. I encourage you pick up a copy and enjoy all that One Imperfect Christmas has to share. Happy Holidays!!

2009-10-12T10:49:00.002-05:00

Okay, I have a confession to make.

I know I like to think I am the normal, stable, equalizing force in our marriage. The woman who brings out the best qualities in my husband, while striving to bring out the best qualities in myself, as well.

And in a sense, this is true.

But I don't think I give enough credit to my Dear Hubby.

The past week has been a perfect example.

I have been trying to make great strides to finish the manuscript I have been working on so I can submit it to an editor. Hubby gave me as much time as he could so I could write, even though his schedule at work has been crazy-busy.

And in the process, our house fell into even more chaos than usual.

So this weekend we were working on getting the house picked up and fighting our way through the jungle of laundry. And when I get my teeth in a project, it pretty much takes the Jaws of Life to pry me away from it.

The extra project I took on was sorting through our daughter's clothes, weeding out the things that don't fit anymore, trying to match up the clothes that do, storing the summer clothes for next year, and washing 8 huge crates of hand-me-downs given to us by Hubby's VERY generous aunt.

It took hours and hours to go through all those clothes. I know Hubby had other things he would rather have been doing, but he also knew it was important to me to get this project out of the way. So he bit the bullet and helped me wash, sort, fold, and put everything away.

It was a very generous, kind thing to do, and I really appreciated his effort.

So now it's my turn to do something equally generous on his behalf. And hopefully I will do it without whining, because Hubby was a really good sport about it, and kept his complaints to a minimum. I'm also pretty sure letting him watch a baseball game and two football games while we worked helped in the complaint department, but I'll take what I can get.

Later.

Dinner for two please!

2009-10-09T06:00:00.002-05:00

Hello everyone! It's been a long time, but I'm glad to finally be back with you.

In an effort to encourage everyone to share more one on one time with their loved one, I’ve been given permission to post weekly dinners geared specifically just for two.

This week I hope you’ll join me as I prepare one our favorite dishes. Salmon with roasted baby red potatoes and asparagus.

What’s nice about this recipe besides the fact that it’s easy to prepare and delicious, our kids hate it! Now that may sound a bit selfish, but let’s be honest most of us share quite a bit with our kids, so forgive me if I encourage to break away from the norm and make some time just for you and your hubby. Let's face it, we need it!

Now normally when we’re having our dinner date, I usually throw in a pizza for the kids, let them eat early and then send them out to play while our dinner is cooking. This way they’re happy mom’s not forcing them to eat horrible, nasty, smelly things and we, get to spend very precious time together without interruption. Gotta love it!

One other tidbit I’d like to share. Years ago, when my husband and I were dating, he went to the trouble to buy place settings for the two of us to use during the one and only meal he’s ever made for me! Haha! Needless to say, we still use those dishes when it’s our dinner date night. Those dishes bring back great memories of a very special Valentine’s dinner and encourage us subtly to constantly look forward to many more.

So go ahead, let the kids eat on paper plates, but for you and your sweetie, pull out the china, light some candles and enjoy a nice meal together. Take the time to enjoy each other, and remember it started with the two of you and once the kiddies are grown, it’ll be the two of you again so let's enjoy the walk along the way! With much love & many blessings! Until next week, Amy

Pecan encrusted Salmon dinner with roasted baby red potatoes & asparagus

Oven roasted baby red potatoes
1 lb. Baby red potatoes washed and halved. Sea salt & freshly ground pepper
1 tsp. Chopped garlic
½ tsp. Crushed rosemary
Olive oil - enough to coat veggies

Wash potatoes & halve. Par boil for approximately 10 minutes. Do not allow potatoes to get mushy. Drain and place in a large mixing bowl. Add in the remaining ingredients and toss. Spread on a baking sheet and bake @ 425* until golden brown. Approximately 25 minutes.

Pecan Encrusted Salmon
Ingredients
2 salmon fillets (6 ounces each)
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans
1/3 cup seasoned bread crumbs
2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
1 tablespoon minced fresh parsley
Directions
Place salmon skin side down on a greased baking sheet.
In a small bowl, combine the mayo, pecans, bread crumbs, Parmesan cheese and parsley; spoon generously over salmon. Bake at 425° for 10-15 minutes or until fish flakes easily with a fork.

Roasted asparagus

1lb. Asparagus – washed and cleaned, dead ends cut off.
Sea salt & pepper
Olive oil

Toss asparagus with seasonings to your liking, add to the baking sheet with the potatoes and cook until al dente. Approximately 10-15 minutes depending on how thick the stalks are.

Cooking timeline note: If you’ll start with the potatoes and let them roast for approximately 10 minutes, it’ll give you the time to prep the salmon and asparagus which can then be added to the oven and everything will come out at once. I normally cook the veggies together on one sheet and the salmon on its own baking sheet to keep the flavors from mingling but if that sort of thing doesn’t bother you, feel free to put them all on one baking sheet, veggies at one end, fish on the other. Enjoy!

The Parenthood/Romance Balance

2009-10-05T00:28:00.000-05:00

Okay.

I know last week I blogged about regular routines, and our (my hubby and me) efforts to establish good habits with busy schedules, and we would later try building in more time for romance.

And when I wrote that post I faithfully believed we would find a way to work those special moments into our week.

Ha!

Try explaining that to our two year old daughter.

If you are married with a toddler, you have my sympathies. This is a new, fascinating time for your child. They are learning quickly, absorbing knowledge like a little sponge, soaking it all in and making their adoring parents so proud.

And frustrated.

Because they are learning quickly. Too quickly.

My daughter has already figured out how to use the childproof doorknob covers to keep her out of, or in, certain rooms.

She can climb in or on ANYTHING she has a mind to: dressers, desks, tables, beds, counters, etc; and knows all the drawers and cabinets she's not supposed to be getting into . . . and then DOES! No area of the house is safe from her.

And naptime . . . gone. She refuses to take an afternoon nap, and frankly, Mommy needs her writing time about as desperately as she needs oxygen.

And going to bed at night . . . forget it. She's climbing out of her crib, opening her bedroom door (by bypassing the doorknob cover), and running into the living room where Hubby and I are trying to have a conversation . . . Oh, I don't know, fifteen or twenty thousand times a night!

SO all our plans for shared moments of romance and connecting are pretty much on hold until we can figure out a way to deal with out precious, but oh, so annoying daughter.

But we aren't giving up. I refuse to believe that we have no hope of grown-up time until she's five or older. We got there with the twins, and it took a while, but we made it. I figure we'll make it with her too, we've just gotta be persistent.

I guess today's post is more about hope. Don't give up on the idea of romantic time alone with your spouse, because even if you missed the mark today, there's always tomorrow.

Later.

Regular Routines

2009-09-28T00:10:00.000-05:00

Hello, all.

So sorry the blog has been silent for the last week. It's been a crazy, crazy time at our house with a conference, the kids' activities, Hubby's job being super busy, a new baby in the family . . . the list goes on and on.

And as busy as we've been, one thing we've managed to do is spend 30 minutes-1 hour together every night to catch up on our day, plan our schedules for the next couple of days, and just take some time to decompress together.

This is the time of year when it seems like everything gets going again with school, and routines get established, and it's a good time to get into good habits with your spouse, too.

So Hubby and I will continue our nightly debriefing, we'll probably watch a little TV together to unwind, and hopefully we'll continue to incorporate more romance in our lives as the fall season moves in.

Hope you all have a wonderful week, and do something special for your sweetie.

Later.

Role Reversal

2009-09-17T00:10:00.006-05:00

As you’re reading this, I’m in Denver at the American Christian Fiction Writers annual conference. This year marks another major shift for me. Things had already changed dramatically around this time last year, when I’d recently signed my very first book publishing contract (with no idea a second one was only weeks away!). Now that my debut novel has been released, I’m anticipating my first time ever to participate in the huge multi-author book signing event this Saturday!

What does any of this have to do with romance, you may ask? I’m getting to that.

Here I am a couple of years away from . . . well, let’s just say my high school class held their 40-year reunion last summer . . . and my writing career has suddenly jumped into hyperdrive!

In the meantime, my husband, who took early retirement a few years ago from SBC (now AT&T) and is now a part-time consultant, has more and more free time on his hands.

Talk about role reversal!!! My husband could just as easily complain that I’m spending way too much time writing, too much time stressing over book promotion, too much time networking on blogs and social sites.

And not enough time doing fun stuff with him.

But he’s also walked with me every step of this writing journey, through 25+ years of finding time to write while raising a family, crying over rejections, celebrating contest wins and manuscript sales. He knows how much it means to me, how hard I’ve worked and how long I’ve prayed to reach this point.

See, that’s what romance is all about--sharing each other’s dreams, supporting each other through sorrow and celebration. Being willing to shift gears and give the other person space and freedom to pursue those dreams.

My sweet husband now does most of the grocery shopping, the occasional load of laundry, vacuuming, and general errands. He’s even willing to get supper started (provided I give him some clue of where to begin), and he has always, our entire married life together, done the dishes after supper.

Think about it. What sacrifices has your spouse made to enable you to pursue a dream? Have you done the same for your sweetheart? Are you willing to try?

You know you're almost at your third trimester when...

2009-09-15T12:38:00.000-05:00

Can I just say how much I've enjoyed the second trimester of my pregnancy? Feeling the baby kick (a lot! I think she's going to be a dancer or a soccer player), losing the nausea, not having major back pains yet, not having as many hormonal surges...

...well, I think it's safe to say I am nearing the third trimester (27 weeks and counting).

This morning I was all set to go to work, makeup on and everything, ready to walk out the door. Then all of a sudden I am crying and I can't stop.

THANKFULLY, my hubby was home and didn't have to be at work until later in the morning. He has learned a lot since the early days of this first pregnancy (him: "what is wrong with you?" me: "it's called hormones and I CAN'T HELP IT!")

He was able to get me calmed down with a lot of hugs and calling in our dogs to give me kisses (can't help smiling when they do that). THEN he took me out for breakfast, which was completely spontaneous and helped me get hold of the rest of my composure before coming in to work. Needless to say, major husband points were earned today.

Even though the mid-week, mid-morning date was unusual and fun (and necessary!), the part that made me feel really special was how he prioritized and put my needs in front of everything else that was going on.

Now I just need to find a way to reciprocate tonight… maybe make a special dinner that I know he loves?

Thankful for a Supportive Husband

2009-09-14T08:23:00.002-05:00

In just a few short days I will be on my way to the same writer's conference Janet mentioned in last Thursday's post.

And though I am not so fortunate to have my hubby going with me to Denver, I am fortunate to have a hubby who understands and supports my dream.

Money is tight for us at the moment, and we discussed at great length if going to this conference was the right move. I've had the money saved for the trip for six months or more. I was willing to forgo the conference and save the money for something else we might need.

But Hubby said no. He wanted me to go to Denver, take the workshops, meet with other writers, and make connections with possible editors and agents. He would take a couple of days off work to look after the kids, and also beg my mother to help out (which she agreed to do), and they would all be fine.

And since I know what a trial it can be for a dad to handle the kids all by himself when he usually works full time, it meant even more to me that he insisted I go.

Now I will return the generous gesture and find a way to give him the break he needs in the coming months.

Anyway, I hope you all have a fabulous week and find the chance to do something sweet for your sweetie.

Later.

Getting Away Again

2009-09-10T00:00:00.001-05:00

It's conference time again and Dan and I will be leaving for Denver next week. This time we're going to stay an extra night or two at the hotel, so that we can visit with family living there, and we'll be making a stop at Dodge City on the way home for some research material. We have decided to take more time on these trips, get off the interstate once in awhile and see what we can find, drawing out the time together.

And while we're looking at this as another chance to have some time to ourselves--our kids are looking at it as the same for them--so everyone is happy.

As always, it will be good to meet up with old friends and meet new ones and learn more about this writing business I'm in. There is a golf course very close to the hotel we'll be staying at and Dan is thinking about taking his golf clubs. Several of my writer friends' husbands will be there too, so I'm sure he'll find lots to do while I'm in classes, etc.

But busy as it gets at these conferences, it's great to have him with me. We've been walking regularly lately, and we're hoping we'll be able to get our walks in around the hotel, too. It will be a good time to reconnect and I'm sure we'll have plenty to share with each other at the end of the day. We've found that just being there for each other is one of the best ways to show how much we love each other and we're looking forward to getting away again.

I Gotta Crush On You

2009-09-07T00:07:00.000-05:00

Sorry about the trouble with the blog over the last week, but I think all the problems are fixed and we should be back in action.

So . . . on to my topic of the week.

As I mentioned in a previous post - I think - I have been watching a new show on TV. The show itself isn't really "new", its just new to me.

And I have a total crush on the male lead, Jeffrey Donovan, in this series. It's hard to say if I have a crush on the actor from the show, or the character he plays, Michael Westen. I think maybe it's a little of both.

Now, my husband finds this amusing. He points out to me, "Hey, your dream guy is taking his shirt off. You might wanna hurry up with the popcorn."

And I'm in the kitchen yelling, "Rewind it! Rewind it!"

He also happens to find the female lead, Gabrielle Anwar, very attractive, and it doesn't bother me a bit. Because I know I am committed to my hubby, and he's committed to me. We have a joke that if Reese Witherspoon shows up on our doorstep one day and wants to steal my husband away that he'll probably have to go, and the same goes for Ben Affleck and me, but you get the idea.

There isn't any jealousy or hurt feelings when we discuss having a crush on someone else, since we know it's not really an issue.

SO now I have a question for you all.

How do you feel about your spouse having a crush on someone else?

Feel free to leave comments on this topic, but just make sure to keep it respectful. I fully reserve the right to delete ugly or negative comments. :) Hey, my blog, my rules.

Later.

Unromantic Weekend...?

2009-08-25T15:13:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I spent all weekend sick and didn't have much enthusiasm about thinking about being romantic. I was ecstatic that the laundry and dishes got done (sorry, vaccuuming... maybe I'll get to you soon).

However...

My husband WAS being a romantic, even if it wasn't conscious on his part. Maybe it was. But I doubt it.

What did he do that was so romantic?

Friday night he picked up dinner and some movies and treated me like a queen - waited on me hand and foot. Saturday he didn't complain about me lounging around the house, resting & recuperating. Sunday he tag-teamed with me to get the laundry done.

You've probably heard before that the "little things" add up, and they do, but in this case my romantic feelings towards him stemmed from his attitude.

Even though hubby was tired out from working all week and could've complained about having to wait on/help out his sick, pregnant wife, he didn't. He waited on me with a cheerful heart. He helped out without even being asked.

So kudos, honey! Major brownie points for you!!!

Fair is Fair

2009-08-24T00:16:00.000-05:00

For all the things my husband and I have in common, there are probably just as many, if not more, things we don't have in common.

Our taste in movies would be one good example. I'm all about the feel-good romantic comedy; The Proposal, Sleepless in Seattle. Hubby is more interested in the dark, intense saga; The Godfather, anything by Quentin Tarantino.

So yesterday Hubby wants to watch a movie together while the kids are napping and/or playing. And since I have been the one to pick out the flicks we've seen lately, he insisted it was his turn. Fair is fair, and I crossed my fingers, hoping he would pick something suited more to my tastes.

Um, no.

He goes for the movie with lots of violence, cursing, and gore.

So I spend the majority of the movie hiding behind my hands and peeking out through my fingers.

But . . . I gotta say, whoever did the soundtrack for this movie knew what they were doing. I got to listen to some great songs, and Hubby got his fill of guys getting blown up.

I guess this silly story is to say that even though you may not be on the same page as your spouse, if you have a good attitude about it, you might find something you enjoy in the experience.

Keep it in mind the next time you have to be fair to your honey.

Later.

10 inexpensive things to do as a couple

2009-08-20T00:06:00.005-05:00

Let’s face it--the economy hasn’t been very favorable for expensive dates or romantic getaways. But togetherness really doesn’t have to cost anything to be worth the effort. Here are ten suggestions for spending some inexpensive quality time with your sweetheart:

The popcorn/drink special at Target. For only a buck fifty or so, you get a bag of popcorn and medium soft drink--can’t beat that anywhere! My sweetie and I like to find a spot in the back where we can enjoy each other’s company as we people-watch. It’s relaxing, fun, and oh-so-cheap!
Window-shop at the mall. Okay, this one may be a little dangerous for your pocketbook if you happen to spy something you just can’t live without. But walking the mall is good exercise. It can also be a pleasant time of exchanging ideas and dreaming together about your future.
Bargain matinee at the movies. Even better, maybe you have a discount theater in your neighborhood. The movies may not be the most recent releases, but what’s more romantic than holding hands and stealing kisses in a darkened theater?
Walking the dogs at the park. Just as fun if you don’t have pets. Like the mall, good exercise. And there’s something about the forward momentum of a quiet walk to encourage pleasant conversation.
Act like kids again. Find a park or schoolyard with a playground and take turns pushing each other on a swing or going down a slide. Brave the merry-go-round only if you think your tummy can take it!
Read to each other. Try a series of books like The Chronicles of Narnia. Have fun with accents and dramatic voice inflections. My sweetie and I tried this one year, and it became one of our most treasured couple memories.
Stargaze. Just Google “sky map” for a list of sites where you can learn what’s visible in your area and how to identify what you find. If you have a telescope, so much the better.
Play a board game. It helps if you’re not too competitive, but games like Yahtzee and Scrabble are great two-person games and a fun way to stay connected.
Garden together. If you have a green thumb--or even if you don’t--tending a garden or even just a few potted plants can become a shared activity and pleasant escape from the daily grind.
Become birdwatchers. For a few dollars you can purchase a guidebook about birds in your area. Then spend a little money on seed and a feeder and have fun keeping track together of how many different kinds of birds visit your backyard.

That’s my list. What other ideas can you come up with? Everyone who leaves a comment on this post will have a chance to win a copy of my debut novel, One Imperfect Christmas, about a couple who must find their way back to each other after tragedy drives them apart. Contest ends midnight Sunday, August 23, and the winner will be contacted by e-mail, so be sure to log in with a valid e-mail address.

2009-08-17T00:39:00.001-05:00

Okay, Hubby and I had a really sweet romantic moment this weekend.

There was supposed to be a meteor shower a few nights ago. I wasn't feeling well the night the shower was supposed to be at its peak, but the next night I was much better.

So Hubby and I got all the kids in bed, and even though it was early in the night, we went to take a look.

We crawled onto the trampoline and cuddled together with the warm evening breeze flowing around us. We held hands, and stared at the emerging stars, and talked. We only saw three shooting stars before we went back into the house to check on the children, but it was just a wonderful moment of feeling connected and being together.

I hope you are able to find a moment, whether sweet or silly or intense, of connection with your spouse this week.

Later.

Reconnecting

2009-08-13T00:00:00.007-05:00

Sometimes we all let life get so busy that we don't realize there's been a disconnect in our relationships--especially with our spouses. A couple of weeks ago when our kids took off for Colorado, my husband and I were looking forward to having some time to ourselves.

What we didn't realize was that we needed that time much more than we thought, but the Lord did. Somewhere in the last three years...after Katrina, moving from down South to Oklahoma, a sister passing away, adjusting to so many new things-- and many deadlines that first year we were here, we had, without even knowing it...disconnected.

It is easier to do than one might think. My husband was just retiring, I was busier than ever with my writing. We began to adjust to all that without actually doing it together. He adjusted by playing golf and watching television of an evening while I wrote; I adjusted by writing just about all the time. Oh we still did things together and there was never a doubt of our love for each other. But we weren't simply enjoying each other's company, talking, sharing our thoughts as much as normal.

Then, right about the end of the first year, we all made the decision to buy a home together. While that is working out, much to everyone's relief and joy, it didn't give us the opportunity to see what was happening. There was, and is, always a lot going on around here, so it was easy to stay so busy that we didn't realize we weren't as connected as we once were.

Thankfully, two and a half years later--during that week to ourselves--we finally realized what was going on. I believe it took the Lord nudging us both to be completely honest with each other, a week alone, time together, time to talk, time to actually realize that two people who love each other with all their hearts...can disconnect. And He gave us the understanding to actually figure out when and how it had happened. And the realization that we could have kept it from doing so.

And now we are determined not to let it happen again. We will make time to share our thoughts, our cares, our concerns and our time with each other. We will make time to grow ever closer to each other as we'd planned from the beginning. We want no more disconnects!

But it can happen to any couple at any time. Life is busy for everyone. Children have needs that must be met, jobs have responsibilities, life is rushed. Denice's post last week was great! Communication is key.

Just beware that all the busyness in your life can take a toll on your relationship with the one you love. Watch for it, and don't let it happen to you. Stop it before it has a chance to hurt your relationship. If it has already happened, take the time to really reconnect with your spouse, try to figure out what is happening and get that special relationship back on track.

It will be more than worth it, I promise.

Anniversary

2009-08-11T06:00:00.000-05:00

On Sunday Luke and I celebrated 7 years of marriage. It was also a little nostalgic for me because I kept thinking about how this will be our last one spent by ourselves – next year we'll have our little girl with us!

We spent a lovely day by attending church together in the morning, enjoying lunch out (although we didn't eat at the first place we stopped at – it was already 1:30 and "mama" was so hungry I wouldn't wait the 20 minutes for a seat – so we went to a second choice restaurant that was just as good), went to a movie (not a romance but it was still a fun date), and a little shopping in between.

What did I get??? Well, okay… I don't think I've gained THAT much weight since the start of my pregnancy, but all of a sudden I can't get my wedding ring off in the mornings. Or afternoons. Not without lotion or washing my hands and using softsoap as a lubricant.

Right now, I'm blaming it on the swelling I KNOW my feet have been doing in the heat. :)

So hubby was a sweetie and got me a simple gold band that I'll be able to wear until after my hands shrink back to their correct size.

Then in the evening we just "hung out" together – played some Wii that Luke got for his birthday (who knew boxing with your spouse could be so fun??) and watched a TV show, just enjoyed being together.

All in all, it was a great day.

Random Thoughts on Romance

2009-08-10T10:55:00.003-05:00

Hello.

I'm going to make a confession to the cyberspere this morning.

I am a romance junkie. Books, movies, TV shows, songs . . . I want it all to have a touch of romance to make my little heart sigh.

Silly, huh?

Well, I'll tell you just how far my silly romantic notions have gone.

Last week I was folding laundry and watching TV. There was a marathon of a certain TV show. It's actually an action/adventure/spy show. I don't usually watch this show, but I noticed an actor and actress whom I've always liked their movies. They were in this show. So I left it on the channel and started watching.

After 8 episodes, I felt like I was pretty much up to speed with these characters and the main thrust of the show.

The season finale was that night. It showed the promise of one of my favorite elements in the romance genre . . . the damsel in distress. Now, mind you, this particular damsel spends most of the show trying to blow things up (this is a spy show, remember), but it's still a favorite of mine.

So I watched the finale.

And I just fell in love with these characters.

The girl's in trouble, she gets kidnapped. The hero finds out his new partner betrayed him, arranged the kidnapping, and sent her to her death. The hero eliminates the bad guys, rescues the girl (and she doesn't just sit around swooning, waiting for the hero . . . she uses the hero's distraction tactics to break the kidnapper's nose, and jumps from a dock into the water), and they have that MOMENT on the shore where they realize how much they love each other, even if they are too proud and stupid to admit it.

I've watched that single episode five times in the last three days. And I'll probably watch it ten more before the end of the week.

I even had Hubby watch with me. He was into the shooting, running, and explosions. I was into the dialogue and subtext and emotional turmoil of the characters.

And the funniest thing was, after watching the show and talking to Hubby about it, noting the different ways we viewed the episode, he shrugged and told me, "I guess it's just what you make of it."

I was focused on the underlying romance, he was focused on the outward action, and we both liked what we got out of it.

So I guess romance, no matter where it's found, is what you make of it.

Have a great week.

Later.

Vacation with hubby

2009-08-06T00:30:00.000-05:00

This year in July my husband and I went to Hot Springs and stayed at a bed and breakfast that was an old Victorian house--about 120 years old. We had a great time enjoying the town and the surroundings lake and mountains. We visited a botanical garden and a tower that overlooked Hot Springs as well as took a National Park tour of the restored bath house. The place was beautiful. One of the highlights of our trip was having dinner on the Belle and cruising around Lake Hamilton and watching the sun set from the steamboat--very romantic (pictures above).

Getting away with your hubby is a great way to keep the romance alive. Where have you gone this summer? Want to share any good places to visit, especially with your husband?

Communication is Key

2009-08-03T09:25:00.002-05:00

Hello.

Well, I'd like to be coming back this week to tell you that my plan for little surprises every day for my husband last week went well.

But the truth is life, as always, interfered with our plans and the romance factor got pushed aside for other concerns: kids needing attention, the house needing attention, visiting family, etc.

That seems to be the pattern we've fallen into for the last several weeks . . . the demands of other things, whatever they might be, taking away from our time together and even our desire to do little romantic things for each other.

But the one thing we haven't stopped doing is communicating with each other. So we both understand that we're in a holding pattern of sorts at the moment. And we're both okay with it. We know that summer nights mean kids are staying up later. It means we're on the go to visit family, friends, and spending more time together as a family.

So as long as we are both comfortable with the situation, and know that eventually when the kids are back in school, we'll be able to concentrate on each other and our relationship, then we're fine.

When the crazy and hectic are keeping you and your spouse apart, be sure to keep that communication up. It can help relieve stress and reassure you both that there is no neglect or frustration building. And if there is a problem, you'll be able to work it out together.

Talk to your honey and see where you're at in your relationship. Is one of you feeling ignored? Are you both so tired from summer fun that the moonlight and roses aren't a priority at the moment? Find out this week.

Have a great day.

Later.

Nice Surprises

2009-07-27T09:01:00.003-05:00

Ahhhh!

It's a rainy Monday in my neck of the woods, cooling things down, and bringing much needed moisture to the area. We're coming off of a busy weekend, and I hope you all made a little time to connect with your spouse.

Today's post is short because Hubby and I decided over the weekend to do one nice, surprise thing for each other every day this week. Well, how can it be a surprise if you know it's coming? you may ask.

For us the surprise is WHAT he/I will do, not THAT we're doing it.

It serves the dual purpose of giving each of us something to look forward to, and getting us both in a lovey-dovey, what-can-I-do-for-him/her frame of mind.

So, on that note, I am off to plan my surprises for my hubby. I'm sure they'll be simple gestures meant to show I care. And I wish I could share, but just in case Hubby is reading the blog today, he'll just have to wait until he gets home to find out what his surprise is.

Have a great week, and feel free to share any nice surprises you have for your significant other.

Later.

It's All About Timing

2009-07-20T00:08:00.000-05:00

Hey, y'all.

I really wish I had something new and/or exciting to dazzle you with on the blog today, but truth be told, I'm beat.

It's been non-stop crazy at our house for the last week, and there has been zilch going on in the romance department.

Not to say we haven't talked about it.

And not to say we haven't tried to make plans.

But that meddlesome thing called life keeps getting in the way, and is preventing us from blasting into a romantic frame of mind.

So there have been no love notes; no romantic dinners; no music, flowers, or candlelight.

But there is still hope. Like Myra's post said last week, marriages go through phases. There are seasons in life, and in romance.

Summertime, three young kids at home, and wacky hours have thrown off our routines, but we'll get them back soon enough. And then we can figure out how to get our romantic life back on course.

So if you aren't feeling the passion and excitement in your marriage you once did, don't give up. Keep talking about it, keep making plans, and be sure you're both on the same page, because when the timing is right, and all the stars in the heavens align, or whatever it takes to make the moment happen, it'll be nice to know what you both need romantically.

Later.

Your Romance in Rhythm

2009-07-16T00:37:00.002-05:00

I recently read a very thought-provoking book entitled Your Life in Rhythm, by Bruce Miller. Miller theorizes that the balance paradigm--trying to give equal time and energy to all the various aspects of our lives--is a recipe for disappointment and unnecessary stress.

Instead, he advocates paying attention to the natural rhythms of life and then learning to live within those rhythms. Look deeper and it’s easy to see the rhythm patterns in the everyday (waking up in the morning, mealtimes, your work routine, end-of-the-day rituals, bedtime), in the flow of a typical week (workdays, weekends), in the change of seasons through the year, in the life stages we all go through from birth to death.

The stages of a romance also have a certain rhythm: meeting, courtship, deepening love, marriage, starting a family, comfortable familiarity--and probably several phases of cycling between romance and disillusionment through the years. I believe one of the keys to a lasting marriage is recognizing the seasons, or rhythms, of romance and making the most of each one.

If you’re newlyweds, relish the passion, but don’t expect to keep up that intensity for the rest of your lives. If you’re new parents, you’ve entered a season of marriage with demands on your time you may not have been fully prepared for. But the children grow up--through a whole bunch of crazy and challenging seasons of their own!--and one day you find yourselves empty-nesters . . . and possibly wondering, Who is this stranger I’m married to?

Since these marriage rhythms are predictable, it makes sense to plan for them instead of chafing against them. What “season” of marriage are you experiencing right now? What pitfalls have you identified? What do you enjoy most about this season? Are there any expectations you need to release to live in this season more fully?

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” --Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV)

Lists

2009-07-13T00:36:00.000-05:00

If you haven't figured it out by now, I am a list maker.

I like lists. Grocery lists, To Do lists, Honey-Do lists, Packing For Vacation lists . . . I really could go on forever.

And I'm sure you've noticed my lists of favorites on this blog.

So my ears just perked right up when our church sermon yesterday was about making a Bucket List. The sermon was about how should we spend the precious, limited time we have on this earth? How will our time here be remembered? And how does God feel about what we do with the time He has given us?

My husband and I have made lists similar to a Bucket List over the years, only we didn't call them that. We just called them Goals. What do I want to do today? This week? This month? Three months? Six months? A year? Five years? Ten? Twenty?

You get the picture.

My husband recently updated his Goals list and allowed me to read it. So now it's my turn to make a Goals list, but I think I will also do so with the Bucket List in mind.

And I will be sharing my list with my husband as soon as it is written. And maybe we can help each other accomplish everything on our lists.

What about you? Do you have a Goals/Bucket List? Maybe this week you and your spouse can sit down together and write one. It might just bring you closer together, and you may even find out something you didn't know about your sweetie.

Have a great week, everyone.

Later.

Just The Two of Us

2009-07-09T00:00:00.003-05:00

Doesn't happen very often in this generational living we are taking part in, but once in a while, we do get a chance to have some time to ourselves. One of those times is coming up in a few weeks. Our daughter and her husband and the girls are going to Colorado for a week with the youth group at our church. They are really looking forward to it and I have to admit, Dan and I are looking forward to having the house to ourselves for that time.

Last time the kids went off, we had to change our plans because we were needed by another family member out of town. And while we know that the best laid plans can go haywire at the last minute, we're hopeful this time will workout. I'm thinking of the meals I can cook that Dan and I love, but not all of our family does. We'll go out to a favorite restaurant or two and maybe take a day trip or two for some research. Mostly, it will be nice to just go at our own pace for a few days and do our own thing, without working around all that goes on around here.

Oh, yes, we love the generational living. But we're looking forward to spending some quality time together, going and doing some of the things we enjoy that sometimes get pushed back or to the side, because we have so many other things going on. A week to just be together. What could be more romantic?

She is a She & MoneyTalk

2009-07-07T15:26:00.005-05:00

We had our first ultrasound yesterday and found out the baby is a girl! Here is a scan of one of the pics:

(That's a profile shot of her head/face and torso)

I know the results of an ultrasound aren't 100% foolproof, plus we're hoping to have at least 1 or 2 more kids after this one (God willing), so we're going to get a lot of the baby stuff in neutral colors. Right now the baby's room is painted a pale green, and I think we're going to leave it that color for now.

But I have already starting thinking about decorating...

Which is a great segue into talking about money, because hubby and I are also talking about redoing one or two of our bathrooms this summer. They're pretty out-of-style right now with not-great wallpaper and the tiles in the tub/shower need to be redone.

I know money is one of the things that a lot of couples fight about, but we've been blessed that this hasn't been a major area of disputes in our marriage.

We both have a financial background with our educations and jobs, but I really don't think that's why we've gotten along so well in this area since we've been married. The things that have really helped us are:

1) Set goals together (i.e. pay off student loans by this date, buy a house by this date) - we usually sit down together at least once per year and discuss what we want to achieve for the next 1-2 years

2) Make a realistic plan to meet the goals - we did this by making a realistic budget that we can both live with. The most important things for us when making our budgets were realizing that there were things that were important to one of us that wasn't really important to the other. For example, the people at my office eat out for lunch a lot and it is sort of a social activity for our workplace. Luke's workplace is a lot different and he brings his lunch a lot of the time or goes home for lunch. So my budgeted "spending money" is a little bit higher to take into account the reality that I'm probably going to eat out with the office on a regular basis.

I feel that making the budget together and agreeing on final amounts keeps us from thinking that the budget is unfair to one partner vs. the other. And it really brings home the bottom line. If I go over budget because I went shopping last weekend, I kNOW that the money has to come from somewhere,and I can see very easily where it comes from.

3) Spending less than we make - We don't live above our means. When we were still in school, we lived in a 600 sq foot apartment. It was TINY! But since we were paying for school ourselves, it was about all we could afford. We didn't go shopping every weekend or get to buy everything that we saw that we wanted. We just couldn't afford it.

4) Not carrying a balance on our credit cards - We use these for work-related expenses (that we'll be reimbursed for later), or to buy plane tickets or large-dollar items online/over the phone. We don't carry balances because we've both seen how that can build up so easily and then bury you (both had experiences like that before we got married). See number 3 if you need more clarification on this point.

5) Splurging - I don't mean all the time. In fact, very rarely did this happen, BUT one thing that is important to make our budget work is to splurge and spend money on things that are special to us. For a long time it was trips to see Luke's family (when they lived on the East Coast). Christmas is a big one - I love giving gifts to my family and to Luke. And this Christmas will be really fun with our DAUGHTER! Sometimes, just something that we wanted that we'd been saving a long time for. Like a new car stereo for Luke that he'd saved up for for months. I fully believe that there should be a reward for sticking to your budget (especially since it can be so hard at times).

6) Giving to our church - this has been really important to us since the beginning of our marriage. By making sure to give sacrificially, and making that an item on our budget, it keeps it at the forefront of our minds just Who our financial blessings come from. And knowing that Luke is just as committed to this as I am brings us closer together. Not to mention seeing some of the amazing things that God has been able to do through the use of our (and others') gifts back to Him.

Not to say that we never fight about money, because we do. But these six things have helped us to see where the money comes from/goes to, and also to stay on the same page about our goals and how we can realistically achieve them.

The Mercy Date

2009-07-06T09:22:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone.

I'm sorry if this post is somewhat incoherent, but I am soooo tired coming off the holiday weekend, I can't even think straight.

But the best thing happened this weekend . . . Hubby and I got to go on a real DATE!!!

A DATE!!!

I couldn't believe it.

We were granted what I like to call a Mercy Date. Here's the scenario: You go to visit family or friends for a few days. You go, go, go for a couple of days until the kids are sacked out on the couch, barely able to keep their eyes open to watch a movie, and you and your spouse look like something the cat hocked-up in the yard.

Then someone you're staying with says the magic words, "Hey, why don't you two go grab dinner alone and I'll watch the kids for a couple of hours."

SLAM!!!

You run out the door, keys in hand, laughing like loons as you start the car and lay down rubber driving away.

Well, in our case, we actually had a thirty minute window to shower and change before we left the house. I even talked my mom into giving us extra time to watch a movie, too.

So, Rule Number One of a Mercy Date: Go with What You Know.

Don't waste precious time trying to decide what restaurant to go to or which movie to see. Do you want to try something different? Didn't someone tell you about a new restaurant that was supposed to be fabulous? Which movie should you see? No, no, no. Don't fall for that. Go with your favorite eatery in the area, and a show or other activity you know you both like.

For us, the restaurant was a great Chinese food place with low prices and HUGE amounts of food. And Hubby was content to watch a romantic comedy with me (of course, what else would I choose?). And if you want to get adventurous in the restaurant, do so sparingly. We got appetizers we love, and then I went with my standard Chicken Chow Mein, while Hubby tried a new dish, Mongolian Beef. It was a little spicy, but had great flavor, and we both really enjoyed it.

Which leads me to Rule Number Two: Take Your Time.

This is a golden opportunity, so don't rush through it or waste it. This was very hard for us. When you've got three kids going in three different directions most of the time, the luxury of slowing down to enjoy your surroundings, your spouse, or even a simple meal can be taken for granted.

When Hubby and I got our appetizers, we ploughed through them like the waitress was going to take them away if we didn't eat fast enough. It's just a symptom of eating as fast as we can when the kids are around because if we don't, we don't usually get to eat.

So we had to remind each other, repeatedly, to slow down and savor the meal. And when we did, it was wonderful. We had a chance to taste the food and talk in a normal voice . . . no griping at kids to sit still or be quiet, and we could actually hear each other. We didn't have to guess at what we thought the other said.

And my final Rule of a Mercy Date: Be Sure to Thank Your Sitters.

We finished at the restaurant, went to see a really funny romantic comedy (The Proposal), and took our time on the drive home. When we got back, we said "THANK YOU" about a thousand times, and I think my mother was tired of getting spontaneous hugs every time I passed her in the hall.

But it was such a fabulous time, and we were so thankful for the opportunity to be together. So thank them, and let them know how much their gift of a few hours meant to you.

I hope you all have a great week.

Later.

Hot Springs

2009-07-02T00:30:00.002-05:00

One way you can romance your spouse is to make sure you take time away from home for yourselves, even if it is for a weekend. My husband and I right now are in Hot Springs at a Bed and Breakfast (a Victorican house that is 120 years old) for a few days. It's nice to just get out of town and put everything on hold--concentrate on your relationship and each other. What kind of getaways are you planning?

On Communication

2009-06-30T11:34:00.001-05:00

One thing Luke and I had to learn early on in our marriage was how to communicate - aka fight.

I am an avoider. I don't like confrontation.

Luke is a let's-face-it-head-on kind of person.

You can imagine the kind of fights we had when we first got married.

Luke: !@!@!@

Lacy: ::silence::

Luke: Didn't you hear me? I said !@!@!@

Lacy: ::crickets chirping::

Luke: Why aren't you talking to me?

Lacy: I don't like fighting!!

And then eventually (I remember it did take a long time), we'd get to the heart of the matter and discuss what we really needed to discuss.

We've gotten a lot better at communicating in the almost-seven-years that we've been married, but there are still times that things get blown up into a "fight".

One thing I've learned is that it is very important for Luke to know that I'm listening to him. So I try not to interrupt, and to use good eye contact (even when I feel like avoiding!).

My hot button is being talked down to/being patronized. Sometimes it is hard to realize you're doing this to someone, so Luke tries to be aware and not do this when we're communicating. At least most of the time.

We've learned these things about each other just through the experience of being together and going through our times of "communication". And we've learned how to use them to bring a positive spin on a situation, even when what we're talking about is hard.

Our best times at communicating usually also happen after the blow up. It is so hard to communicate effectively when you're in the midst of an angry, passionate moment. So I have a method of trying to diffuse the situation and then come back and talk about it when we can be more civil to each other.

What are things that you've found help the communication with your spouse?

Best Romantic . . .

2009-06-29T00:29:00.000-05:00

Happy Monday, everyone.

I hope you had a wonderful weekend, and that today's post will get you thinking romantic-al thoughts throughout the week.

This is a list I borrowed from 1001 Ways to be Romantic, but I substituted the book answers with my own. I also went over the list with my hubby before writing this, and it got us in a warm, fuzzy mood together.

So here they are.

Best Romantic Gift: The gift of Understanding

Best Romantic Present: Sapphire Earrings

Best Romantic Car: 1965 Mustang Convertible (my dream car)

Most Romantic Comic Strip: For Better or For Worse

Best Romantic TV Show Ever: Eli Stone

Most Romantic City In the World: Barcelona, Spain (Disclaimer: I have only traveled outside the U.S. once, on a cruise, and none of our excursions were that romantic. This is the city I would most like to visit with my husband if we ever have the opportunity.)

Most Romantic City In the U.S.A.: New York

Best Romantic Color: Blue . . . my favorite color.

Most Romantic Broadway Musical: Phantom of the Opera (This was the same answer as in the book. I've never seen a Broadway musical live, only those made into movies, but this is definitely one of my favorites.)

Best Romantic Movie: Return to Me

Best Romantic Actress: Audrey Hepburn

Best Romantic Actor: Cary Grant

Best Romantic Hotel: Renaissance Dallas Hotel

Best Romantic Voice (Male): My Husband (When he first wakes up in the morning, and his voice is deep with sleep.)

Best Romantic Voice (Female): Kathleen Turner

Best Romantic Song: La Vie En Rose

Take a little time with your spouse this week to make a list of your favorite romantic things. Or just take some time and make out with your honey. Either way, you'll be glad you did, and it will definitely put a different kind of sizzle into an already scorching summer!

Later.

Another Dude's Perspective on Romance

2009-06-25T10:44:00.004-05:00

Today's post is a little different.

I have my brother, Clint Christensen, giving me an interview on how he romances his lovely wife, Misty.

When I first asked him to write a post for me his answer was "Not just no, but h-e-double-hockey-sticks NO!" (And I did edit that line. He has the vocabulary of your average prison inmate or sailor.)

So I went to the big sister stand-by. "If you don't do it, I'm telling Mom!"

Then we came up with a compromise. I'd do the writing if he would tell me the Top Five Romantic Tips he has to offer.

So here are his answers.

Number One: Make Her Dinner.

As a country boy (His full-time job is a firefighter, and his part-time job is running our mother's ranch), from a small town, nothing tells a wife you love her like cooking her favorite dinner . . . especially when you surprise her.

Number Two: Surprise Her with Flowers.

When I'm out on the farm or driving around, I use my cell phone and take a picture of a pretty flower. The wild blooms on a cactus or even a pretty rose in a garden, and send it to my wife with the text message: "I got you some flowers." She loves it. It's a good way to brighten her busy day.

(This was my favorite. I thought it was a great idea, and never would have thought my brother would do something so clever. Who knew?)

Number Three: Do Her Favorite Thing.

I like to stay home and she likes to go out, so once in a while surprise her by hopping in the truck and going where she wants to go. In Misty's case, that's usually the movies. She loves going to the movies, so I'll bite the bullet and take her, with popcorn and candy and the works.

Number Four: Help Her Family.

Once in a while I help her family without being asked to do it. I've mowed her Grandma's lawn and helped her Dad in his shed just as a nice gesture, and it always goes over very well with my wife. Family means a lot to her, and helping them without being prodded to do it always makes her happy.

(The emerging pattern I saw from our conversation was "Surprise Her." If you do something a little out of the ordinary, or just with a bit more thought for your spouse, it can have great results.)

Number Five: Going For A Drive.

I like to cruise through the country, checking out the land, seeing how crops are growing, and watching the wildlife. My wife likes to drive through town, looking at the houses and lawns, and making plans for the future. So we compromise and do both whenever we can. But just driving through town for her is one of the ways I try to please her.

Those are some of my brother's simple ways of showing love and affection for his wife. What are some simple ways you can show your spouse that you care?

Thank you, Clint, for sharing with us on RYS . . . and for not making me tell Mom on you.

Big News!

2009-06-23T06:00:00.000-05:00

Luke and I have an announcement to share... we're having a baby!

We'll welcome our little one into the world sometime around the middle of December. That's right, a Christmas baby.

So this means we'll be moving from the category of "married with no kids" to "married with an infant" on the Romancing Your Spouse scale.

I don't think it's really hit us yet how this is going to change our lives. I can imagine it will be hard to leave the little one in the beginning, even to create a little romance with hubby, even though we have plenty of baby-sitters available between our two families. Then there's the whole "we have a kid but no money now" issue to think about...

I'd welcome your thoughts/experiences on keeping the romance alive with a small baby. Hope you'll leave a comment!

P.S. We'll find out in July whether it is a boy or girl, so stay tuned for an update!

2009-06-22T00:14:00.000-05:00

I liked what Myra said on Thursday about finding romance in the every day things.

This weekend my brother surprised me and Dear Hubby by picking up our twins and taking them home with him. In fact, I am supposed to pick them up sometime today.

We still had the baby girl with us, but suddenly the pressure of all three kids running wild in the house was relieved.

And we loved it!

We were able to speak in a normal tone. No screaming and yelling above the noise to be heard. We were able to do one of my favorite things; snuggling on the couch and watching movies . . . or in our case, getting caught up on a new TV show we both like, Royal Pains.

We cooked lunch together today and snacked on the leftovers into the evening. All in all, it was great to spend more time together without the stress of all three kids.

Now, that isn't to say everything all weekend long was just peachy-keen.

We got up way too early (in my opinion) to go and watch Hubby's little niece (although technically she's actually his first cousin, but it feels more like she's his niece . . . anyway) play in a softball tournament. VERY HOT and HUMID day.

But we loved doing it, and if we had the option of going back for a do-over, we'd still go out to watch the games. Love Hubby's family and loved being there for that sweet girl.

Our daughter was a handful to keep up with, but we managed.

Came home that evening and showered, then Hubby took me out to dinner when I got a rejection from an agent.

He was very sweet about it, and told me I could order anything I wanted. Which was great. I eat my way through most of my problems. But the darling daughter would NOT be quiet in the restaurant. She babbled and screamed and threw food everywhere. She managed to make up for her brothers' absence, and then some.

It may not have been 100% perfect in the true romance department, but like Myra said, sometimes you just have to take what you can get, and enjoy it while it lasts.

Hope you all find a little romance with your spouses this week.

Later.

Romance in the everyday

2009-06-18T00:04:00.008-05:00

Truth be told, I’m not feeling especially romantic these days. Sometimes the tedium of day-to-day living just saps the romance right out of the air. There are so many things we have to take care of. Work. Kids. Laundry. Grocery shopping. Cooking. Yard work. Bills. By the time we get done with it all at the end of the day (and that’s assuming we do get done), romance is the last thing on our minds.

What’s so amazing is that even though most of us struggle to find the time and energy to keep the romantic spark alive in our marriages, we don’t have to look very far to see the importance the world places on romance. I just did a search on Amazon.com for books on romance. Even narrowing it down to books that fell under the “Christian living” category, I came up with 139 titles. Searching for Christian romance novels, I found nearly 500 books! Combine those numbers with the secular titles available, and the results are mind-boggling! Are we preoccupied or what???

I’ve read myriad romantic novels and books on romance, each time hoping to come across that one life-changing nugget that would magically (and permanently) revive the honeymoon spirit in my marriage. I have yet to find it. So that tells me maybe it doesn’t even exist. At least not in the form I’m looking for.

Maybe I need to face the fact that there is no “magic romance bullet.” No easy fix for the doldrums of midlife marriage or any of the phases we go through post-honeymoon. If we want romance in our marriages, we have to find it in the everyday stuff. A back rub at the end of a hard day. Holding hands while watching a favorite TV show. Praying with each other at bedtime. Running errands or doing yard work together. Taking long walks at sunset.

Everyday life is what we’re stuck with, and romance is what we make of it. Find the romance in one simple thing today and share it with your sweetie.

Being flexible

2009-06-16T06:00:00.001-05:00

So my husband is the king of impromptu events. He is Mr. "Off the Cuff", improv, play-it-by-ear... well, you get the point.

I am not. I am a planner. A list-maker. I like to know a week ahead of time what the plan is.

Us being opposites in this way didn't bother me much when we first dated or were first married. "Oh, you want to go hiking (to the zoo, to a movie, etc. etc.)? Sure, let's go." And we'd leave behind the homework or housework or whatever we were supposed to be doing to go have fun.

I guess I am turning into an old fogey or something because now I am much more likely to say "no" unless my day is very clear.

For instance, the other night he says, "I want to ride my bike out to this restaurant (about 10 miles from our home). You can meet me there and we'll eat dinner." Well, I had already had an exhausting day at work and had other stuff to do, so I gently requested that we rain check and do it another time.

I know, I'm turning into a dud.

I've recently come to a realization that I need to be a little more flexible where romance is concerned. Some of our best dates have been those that weren't planned for. So that's what I'm working on right now.

Think Mr. Impromptu will take me out for dinner tonight???

2009-06-15T00:29:00.000-05:00

Hello folks.

Reading my dear friend Janet's post last week got me to thinking along the lines of nostalgia.

I have been an avid romance reader since my early teens, and one of the things I noticed right away about those books was the "love at first sight" theme.

Man, I thought that was the way it was going to be for me. I would enter a room, see the man of my dreams, our eyes would lock, and in that heart-stopping moment, we would recognize each other as soul mates.

Well, I must say my first meeting with my future husband did not go exactly that way.

We were both in college, he had just transferred to my school, and I happened to know a few of his buddies from my previous year. A friend and I headed over to the buddy's house to watch movies, we entered a pitch black living room, except for the light from the TV screen, and I actually mistook him for another guy I knew who also wore glasses.

I remember feeling confused and foolish because I couldn't figure out how there could be two of the same person in the room. After a few seconds it dawned on me there were two different tall, skinny guys with glasses in the room.

We all hung out as a group for the rest of the night, and for many months after that.

He asked me out, and I turned him down. I liked being his friend, we had fun hanging out together and with our group, but I still hadn't had that eyes-locking-across-the-room moment. I thought that's what being in love was supposed to be. So enamored of another person that you simply had to meet them, they became enamored with you, and la-la-la . . . happily ever after.

So after a few months of being friends I thought I knew where we stood with one another. Then one night he didn't show up to play cards. I asked around. He was hanging out with another girl named Lisa.

What?!

MY Scott was hanging out with another girl?!!!!

NO WAY was I going to stand for that.

Asked him out the next night, and we've been together ever since.

So I discovered my real-life romance followed another of my favorite themes in a romance novel . . . a jealous rivalry. And believe me, in our case, it worked like a charm.

Later.

The Dating Game

2009-06-11T00:00:00.004-05:00

This post isn't about me and Dan. Or romancing a spouse. But it is about romance and dating before getting married--and how much it has changed over time. With this generational living we are part of, we have a lot of teens in and out of this house and we really do enjoy it.

But, as we watch them interact with each other, I get nostalgic for the days when a date was a date and going steady was seeing only one guy.

I remember being asked to go on a date to the movies, out to eat, to get a pizza, or just to go get a 'coke' (we called all soft drinks cokes) at someplace kind of like Sonic. Then, if you went on enough dates, it would be said that you were dating that person. I suppose you could have been dating several people at a time. But then, just as now, that didn't always go over well with everyone. So, most times, a couple ended up dating only each other for a while and that was called going steady--just a step away from engaged...or maybe several years away--but they dated only each other. I miss that phrase, going steady. One never had to wonder what it meant.

Now days teens mostly go out in groups (which is a good thing) but when the time comes to travel within that group as a couple it can get a little confusing. When teens say they are dating they might mean they are going steady. If a guy asks a girl to go with him, he doesn't necessarily mean on a "date". He might mean see only each other. It's kind of confusing sometimes. I think for them as well as for some of us older romantics.

I think everyone would be better off going back to dating, going steady, and maybe, just maybe, one day being engaged. I think it was more romantic when I was a teen. Or maybe my memory is just fading . . .

Back from Vacation!

2009-06-10T13:02:00.000-05:00

Is it just me, or does the first day back from vacation just all-around stink? There's piles of laundry to get done, suitcases to unpack, then you go back to work and there's piles of stuff to do, like answer the 200 emails that got sent to you while you were gone. Oh, and don't forget the frenzied dog greeting that lasted about a half hour when we first got home (okay, that is my favorite part about coming home - love those enthusiastic doggie kisses!).

But I digress.

Luke and I just spent 5 days in Florida, where it was, yes, sunny. It only rained one day and we spent that day just hanging out in our condo, until the afternoon when we made an ice cream run and saw a pretty double rainbow. It was really cool over the ocean.

I spent a lot of time reading contest entries for ACFW's Book of the Year contest. I think it is going to be a steep competition this year just based on the books I read. That made for some very fun days for me - reading on the beach and then taking breaks to go play in the water. Or reading in the condo and then napping. Yep, it was a good vacation.

After Florida, Luke and I headed to Branson, Missouri for three days to hang out with his family and celebrate his sister graduating high school. We spent two days traipsing around Silver Dollar City (an old-timey theme park that had my "historical writer" senses on overload) and trying to burn off all the calories of great food we were eating. Then I would collapse back into bed at night and try to recover for the next day. :)

We had our fill of roller-coasters and family game time (the girls lost at Cranium twice in a row!), and now we're back home in the daily grind.

And I am so glad to be here! I missed my bed and my shower and most of all the dogs. I always always always enjoy vacation, but I am always glad to come home, too.

Most romantic part of vacation: 1) walking down the beach at sunset holding hands; 2) Luke buying me a glider rocking chair and ottoman that I've wanted for forever from SDC.

I will be back on my regularly scheduled blog post days now!

Fishing Romantic? Not Really.

2009-06-08T07:38:00.003-05:00

Good morning, ladies (and a few gentlemen).

Sorry I'm late this morning. Hubby and our sons got back from a fishing trip yesterday, and I was so excited to see them, I forgot to write my blog post.

I don't know if I can really tie the weekend's events into romancing your spouse, since it sorta takes two to make the romance work.

But I'll try.

Hubby had been trying to plan this weekend with a friend for over a year, but conflicting schedules and unexpected delays kept getting in the way.

So he and the buddy finally got the date on both their calendars for the first weekend in June. Since hubby got his new job (and a dramatic pay cut) we've been looking at where to cut back in our budget.

We both had events planned for this month. I had a local conference at the end of June, and his fishing trip at the beginning. So we talked about it, and I decided that to save a little money and to give hubby a chance to have some fun, he should go fishing and I'd skip the conference.

But I don't know how "romantic" this "sacrifice" was because he also took the twins, which gave me almost three days of peace and quiet with our daughter.

So maybe this one was a romantic draw. We both got something we wanted, and we both missed each other, and we'll both be making renewed efforts to spend some alone time together.

Hope you all have a great week.

Things to do together

2009-06-04T18:47:00.001-05:00

Being married means doing things together. That is good for a marriage and to deepen your relationship with your husband. Well, I now know one thing I won't be doing with my husband. I tried--really--but it isn't gonna work.

I know some of you out there are great at being a gardner. Well, I'm not for several reasons. I still remember having to help my mother in the garden as a child. Let's just say I didn't inherit her green thumb. She was great at growing things. I'm not. I didn't like gardening as a child, and I haven't changed my mind in all those years. And while we on the subject of the outdoors, I don't camp out either. My idea of roughing it is a two star hotel.

Well, anyway I decided to help my husband these past few weeks with our yard work and gardens since I'm retired now. In the two times I worked outside with him, we found two snakes and I think every mosquito in the neighborhood feasted on me. I'm now over the urge to help my husband with the garden. He's on his own.

Beneath the Surface

2009-06-01T07:20:00.003-05:00

Good morning, folks.

Hope your weekend was good and filled with chocolates, roses, moonlight, walks on the beach or cozy cabins in the mountains . . . okay, reality check.

Mine wasn't filled with any of those things either.

My weekend started Friday night with our kids running loose outside with the neighbors' kid until after the sun went down. And there was no romantic hand holding on the porch as the sun set, either.

It was chaos and mayhem until we tossed them in their rooms for the night.

Saturday dawned WAY too early, and the cycle of playing hard started all over again. The most romantic moments of that day occurred when my dear hubby rubbed my shoulders as the children bounced on the trampoline and sprayed each other with the water hose, and when my husband brought me a chicken sandwich while I was trying to meet my word count goal for the week (which I did not, unfortunately).

The rest of Saturday included a rushed trip to Wal-Mart for cookie dough and a swimsuit for the toddler, and we ended up with over a hundred dollars worth of stuff we "absolutely had to have".

Yeah, right.

Then it was on to a super hot and sweaty t-ball practice, followed by two hours of swimming in a friend's neighborhood pool.

The sun set on another day, and there was no hand holding and romantic reminiscing on the porch.

Sunday . . . you've probably picked up on the cycle by now. Lots going on with our kids, not a lot of time together for romance.

So last night before we went to bed, I asked hubby about this. "What do you think we should be doing in the romance department with the summer just getting stared, and it already feels crazy?"

After wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, and me smacking him on the arm and telling him to be serious, he surprised me with his real answer.

"I'm just looking forward to a day alone with you. We can have breakfast in bed. Then head over to the bookstore where you'll get hot chocolate, I'll get a cup of coffee, and we can hang out together and talk and look at books until the matinee movie starts. After the movie we'll stop at the grocery store and get all the ingredients we need to cook a fantastic meal together. Then we can finish the night with strawberries and chocolate in bed."

Well . . . didn't my pulse just kick into overdrive?!

Who knew between the mowing, cleaning, kid-wrangling, and running from one activity to the next, there was a romantic date my husband has been planning, if we could only find the time?

I was certainly pleased, and have something really wonderful to look forward to.

Maybe all you need to do is have a simple conversation with your significant other, and you'll find out there's a whole lot of romance brewing that you never suspected.

And if we ever get to go on that date, I'll be sure to tell you how it goes.

Later.

Dinner for two, please!

2009-05-29T16:52:00.003-05:00

It’s Friday evening, the long week is over and now its time to relax. But where to begin? The kids are acting like a couple of wild March hares and you know any minute dear hubby will be coming through the door looking as if he’s gone 5 rounds with Mike Tyson. As for you, well the old “Calgon take me away” commercial comes to mind as a means to escape. But…we all know that’s not gonna happen so let’s face reality, and as my grandma used to say, “Grab the bull by the horns.”

So let’s start nice and simple. Dinner, followed by peace and quiet and if you’re lucky a little romance thrown in to help start the weekend off right.

Don’t forget this simple rule: Keep it simple!

Easy recipes make meal time more enjoyable because let’s face it, after working all week, juggling kids, work schedules and laundry who really wants to slave over a hot stove? No one!

McDonald’s is worth its weight in gold if you want some alone time with hubby. So grab the kiddies their favorite meal from said fast food joint, let them eat while you throw the salad together and the potatoes in the oven. Once they're done eating, pop in the kids’ favorite movie so that you and your hubby can enjoy a great, light meal together and wind down from a busy week.

All that stated, I'd like to share a couple of simple, easy, cheap dinner recipes for a nice salad and a tasty baked potato that I think you and your husband will enjoy while the kids watch Hannah Montana or Ben Ten or whatever else those munchkins like!

Enjoy!

Mixed Salad Greens with Raspberries and Pears

Romaine Lettuce
Fresh Raspberries
Fresh Pear, diced
Feta cheese
Sunflower seeds

Raspberry Vinaigrette:
· 1/3 cup canola oil
2.5 TBSP raspberry vinegar
.5 tsp sugar
salt and pepper to taste
finely chopped shallot

Combine all ingredients and pour over salad when ready to serve.

Baked Potato with caramelized onions and mushrooms

2 large russet potatoes washed and pricked with a fork
1 TBSP. Olive oil
2 TBSP. Butter
1 medium onion, sliced
1 handful sliced button mushrooms
butter – for topping
salt & pepper
sour cream
chopped chives
pre-packaged cooked chicken breast strips

Heat oven to 400 degrees and bake potatoes until tender about 1 hour. In the meantime sauté the onions and mushrooms in the olive oil and butter. Once veggies are soft and caramelized set aside until potatoes are done.

After the potatoes are baked and ready, top with the veggies and your favorite toppings. I personally don’t like chicken on my potato but my husband can not live on veggies alone, the poor dude needs a little meat in his diet.

Remember to set the table with candles, your nice dinner plates and let soft music help you set the mood for a great night.

Best wishes & many blessings, Amy

Memorial Day

2009-05-25T09:12:00.003-05:00

Hello.

It's Monday morning, Memorial Day, and I wanted to give a shout out to all the military men and women serving to make our nation safe.

THANK YOU for all you do for us. The sacrifices of time, family, money, safety, and even life, all so we can be free.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And my own special thank you to a man I never knew, but who carries a special place in my heart . . . my grandpa, Park J. Conklin.

He served in WWII as a staff sergeant, trained troops in the early part of the war for the Pacific front, and in the later part of the war fought in the European front.

He received a Bronze Star for saving the lives of the men in his unit, though he never told anyone in our family what he did. To this day, we still don't know. He was also one of the soldiers who helped liberate the concentration camp at Dacau.

From all the recounts of his life that I have heard, he was a silent man who loved his family and friends. He was a farmer at heart, a wonderful husband and provider, a firm but loving father, and later in life a doting grandfather. He loved his wife, family, church, community, and his country.

He passed away from leukemian before I was born, but he is not forgotten.

One day I will inherit the locket he gave my grandmother just before their wedding . . . the same necklace my mother wore when she married my father . . . the same locket I wore when I married my husband. And I hope one day the locket my daughter will wear when she gets married.

That is the romantic legacy he has passed down through our family, and I will treasure this memory always.

Later.

Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart!

2009-05-21T00:03:00.005-05:00

Yesterday my husband and I celebrated 37 years of marriage. Hard to believe how quickly the years have passed! It seems like just a few days ago that the elder of my two brothers walked me down the aisle to meet my groom. In the wedding photos, Jack’s light-sensitive glasses appear to have pink-tinged lenses, and we’ve often joked about how he viewed the day through rose-colored glasses.

Oh, how very many couples enter into matrimony the same way--expecting the romance to last and the road to be problem-free (or at least with only minor potholes)! In real life, though, our rose-colored romance sometimes doesn’t even last beyond the honeymoon. We return home to bills, responsibilities, and each other’s bad habits. Promises we made to love, honor, and cherish turn into “nag, grumble, and tolerate.”

There are days--many days--when I look over at the man I married and wonder how we made it this far. He’s a morning person; I’m a . . . well, a middle-of-the-day person. He’s a doer; I’m a ponderer. He’s outgoing; I’m reserved. He works with numbers; I work with words (and yet I’m the one who balances the checkbook!). There are lots of things we just don’t get about each other and probably never will.

The truth is, we wouldn’t have made it through 37 years of marriage without our commitment to each other, to the sanctity of marriage, and to God. When times got rough, we worked even harder at bridging our differences. When the problems got too big for the two of us, we sought help. Neither was willing to simply give up.

No marriage is perfect. No marriage is problem-free. The survival of a marriage depends much less on romance than it does on plain old commitment. But once you’re secure in that commitment, a little romance goes a long way to take you from surviving to thriving!

Where are you on your marriage journey? Any issues you need to face together or pray about? Any negative behaviors you need to correct or forgive? What one thing could you do today to rekindle the rose-colored romance from your wedding day?

Really Romantic - I'm Not Lion

2009-05-19T10:02:00.000-05:00

So, Broadway plays... they're like a 10 on my romance-o-meter. Luke would probably like them better if some bad guys rappelled in with big machine guns or something like that. :) However, he does have at least one music appreciation bone in his body, so every once in awhile, we get to go.

Last week, a friend of ours received 6 tickets to the Lion King, which has been showing here in town all month. We were invited to go, and amazingly, I didn't have to whine too much to get Luke to agree.

It was a "group date" so there wasn't a lot of alone time, but it was fun to hold hands or have his arm around my shoulders once the lights went down. And very fun just to have him with me when I know he probably would have preferred being at home watching basketball.

It also reminded me of when he took me to see Phantom of the Opera on Broadway in New York City, over 7 years ago (gosh, I can't believe it's been that long!). We drove up to NYC from his parents' house in Wilmington, Delaware. That drive was an adventure in itself. Who knew that NYC drivers have their own language of honks? Phantom was incredible, but just being there with Luke made it a wonderful date.

So I guess since I got a date that was a 10, it's Luke's turn next. I wonder what sporting event he'll choose???

By the way, I am still singing Lion King songs this week. :)

2009-05-18T00:37:00.000-05:00

Hello.

This post will be brief. Not necessarily because I don't have time, but because I have a heavy-heart this week.

Something I wanted quite badly did not come through for me this week. I was able to nurse my wounds in private, and readied myself to push forward and march ahead.

Never say die!

Never give up!

And then I got more news related to this thing I wanted so much, news that brought me to a screeching halt in my pushing onward plan.

This is causing me to rethink many of the things I once believed about myself, my abilities, and my choices.

Now I am confused and despondent, but I have to say the light at the end of this tunnel has been my hubby.

He has put his best effort into picking me up, dusting me off, and telling me everything will be okay, even when neither of us knows whether it will be or not.

And maybe one day, I will be able to return the favor for him. It's just nice to know I have a cheerleader in my corner.

Later.

Spur of the moment plans can be romantic

2009-05-14T00:00:00.001-05:00

Around our busy household, sometimes the best laid plans fall through. So, we're finding that if we can accustom ourselves to coming up with something on the spur of the moment, or accepting an invitation at the last minute, or working around the plans of others in our household, we can work in a special time together.

Not too long ago, when the rest of our household went on a retreat to Colorado, we'd planned a special meal of the things we love, that they don't all particularly like. But something came up to cancel our plans. A few weeks ago we got the chance to try again. We had a couple of days with the house to ourselves and this time, the weather was nice enough to grill outside. Dan grilled steaks just the way we like them...and I made baked potatoes and Chile Rellenos to go with them. It was a great evening to enjoy a simple meal and each other's company. Sometimes you just can't beat a quiet evening together at home.

Other times, spur of the moment works well when our kids want to have people over and we decide to have an evening out so that they can have time with their friends. It gives us a chance to have some time to ourselves that we hadn't planned on but find immensely enjoyable!

So, plan well, be prepared to have them cancelled, and learn to think fast. :)

Melting for my hubby...

2009-05-12T06:00:00.001-05:00

Last weekend was my birthday. I'm not going to mention my age, but I will spill the beans on how romantic my hubby was.

First, there were the "non-birthday" presents. He went out and bought replacements for several things that were stolen in the robbery of our house recently - since I haven't had time to do it. That was sweet and thoughtful.

Then, there were the actual birthday presents - several DVDs that I have been wanting. Very romantic, as they were all chick-flicks.

AND... he took me out for a romantic birthday dinner at Melting Pot, a fondue restaurant. It was the first time I had ever been, and it was SO COOL!

The restaurant itself was very romantic - dimly lit, deep booths (very private), quiet music playing. Our waiter was terrific, very friendly and helpful.

And the food! We had the full deal - cheese course, salads, main course and then a pot of chocolate for dessert.

I never realized before how romantic fondue could be. Basically, you have to cook your meal yourself - skewer the pieces of meat (assorted - my favorites were filet and lobster) and then put them in the cooking pot for about 2 minutes each - and they come out all cooked and flavored.

Did I mention the chocolate dessert? You dip your pieces of strawberry, banana, marshmallow, cheesecake, ETC. into the chocolate. Mmmmmmmm...

It was very fun and very romantic. Five stars for this birthday celebration. Hubby did good!

Searching for Common Ground

2009-05-11T00:03:00.000-05:00

I've posted before on how important it is (to me) to focus on the positives in a marriage. How you should think of some of the many wonderful aspects of your mate's personality, write them down, and give them to your sweetie to see.

And I still believe this is true.

But today I am focusing on another topic. Opposites. Which can lead to irritation, and negatives in your marriage.

I have to say, in many ways, my husband and I are very different. We do not have the same taste in: movies, books, music, hobbies, political views, TV shows . . . you get the idea.

Right now, I am listening to a Classical Standards radio station . . . Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Billie Holiday, Bing Crosby, Ella Fitzgerald. Hubby would rather hear Big 80's Hair Metal bands . . . Guns-N-Roses, Poison, Warrant, Motley Crew, Ratt.

He loves the mob movies . . . The Godfather (I, II, & III), Goodfellas, Scarface, Pulp Fiction.

I love romantic comedies and classics . . . Return to Me, Sabrina, Pride & Prejudice, While You Were Sleeping.

The book he is currently reading . . . Tom Clancy: The Sum of All Fears.

The book I am currently reading . . . Lisa Wingate: Texas Cooking.

Sometimes I get jealous when I read about, or hear stories about, these couples who seem identical, and their personalities and tastes are just an extension of each other. They love to do the same things, and life for them is so compatible.

That is so not us.

We have to make lots of compromises in our lifestyle, but we also expose each other to new experiences.

Minor league baseball games. That's all we have in our area, and I LOVE them. I love going to them, and never would have done it if hubby hadn't insisted we go.

Line Dancing. I learned a few in high school, and after we were married, our church offered a free class. Hubby hated the idea, but went because I begged. HE loved it!

Swing Dancing. We both love it, but I insisted first.

Sudoku. Hubby got me started, and I really like doing those puzzles now.

So . . . I guess my point in this post is even if you have differences in your personal tastes, sometimes it's rewarding to try something your sweetie likes. Watch a movie that's his favorite. Let him choose the radio station in the car (even if it just sounds like noise to you). Do something she really wants to do, like dance lessons.

You just never know when you're going to turn an opposite into a similarity.

Later.

Scrabble

2009-05-07T00:30:00.001-05:00

So what does the game Scrabble have with romancing your spouse? For my husband and me a lot. We love to play this game and often do on the weekend, but we aren't competitors. We are a team playing against the computer. I have laughed so much during these times we play Scrabble. It has been a great time for bonding.

I'm usually quick to put something up while my husband loves to take his time and try to use all the tiles even when we have letters like five or six vowels or q, v, f and b together. There's probably a word out there that has q, v, f and b, but I could think forever and never come up with it. I've threatened to use the speed version on my computer.

What kind of games do you play with your husband? Are you a team or competing against each other?

Two Kinds of People . . .

2009-05-04T00:00:00.001-05:00

I was reading from a book I bought a few months ago, "1001 Ways to be Romantic" by Gregory Godek, to my husband.

It was from a section called 'Two'.

"There are two kinds of people in the world: Object People and Experience People.

Object People see love symbolized in gifts, in things: roses, jewelry, socket wrench sets. Experience People see love expressed in time spent together, in experiences: dinner, movies, bowling.

Neither is better than the other, they're just personal preference. And, interestingly, neither preference is related to gender.

Why do you need to know this? Because if your partner is an object person, and you take her to the best restaurant in town and drop $200 on an elegant experience, she'll still be expecting a gift at the end of the evening!

She's not being selfish, she's just being herself.

Object people love items that have special meaning. Experience people love activities that create special memories.

Tip: Don't argue about it. Neither of you will ever change the other."

Hubby and I both agreed that we are definitely Experience people.

Last year for hubby's birthday, the kids and I worked all afternoon to create paper streamers out of construction paper. I made his favorite dinner, baked him a cake, we blew up balloons, and decorated the kitchen and dining room.

When we heard the garage door open, we hid behind the counters and under the table, and surprised him when he came through the door.

And he was so happy and moved that we would do this for him, he didn't even care that there were no presents. He told me later that us getting him a gift never entered his head, but the impromptu surprise party made him feel extra special.

On the other hand, my sister-in-law is absolutely a gift person. A birtday has not been properly celebrated until a present has been given. Or Mother's Day. Or Easter. Or any other holiday. She is an Object Person all the way, and my brother has finally learned this about his wife.

So if you want to help create memorable moments, or make your spouse feel extra special, consider whether they are Object People or Experience People, and you might just earn a few extra points with your sweetie.

Later.

2009-04-30T08:59:00.002-05:00

Hello, everyone.

I thought I'd jot down a little something I noticed today. Or rather, it's been building all week, but this morning I actually had that, "Ah, ha!" moment.

I've been on a sort of self-imposed writing deadline this week. Since hubby is starting his new job next week (Woohoo!!), I've been trying to get as much written on a new book as I possibly can before my writing time is altered again.

So I've been putting much of the childcare burden on hubby.

And I'm sorry to say I hadn't noticed just how much of a help he has been all week (and for the last couple of months we've been doing household stuff together, but this week has been all about writing for me) until this morning.

Hubby took the boys to school. I went into my daughter's room to get her up, change her diaper and play for a little while.

Soon, my husband sauntered in, plopped down on the floor, and joined us in playing with blocks. Then he said, "Why don't you go work on your story while I feed her?"

"Sure." I smiled, said thanks, and trotted off to my room to fire up the computer.

Then he stuck in head in the door. "Have you eaten yet?"

"No."

"Why don't I bring you something?"

A nice surprise. "Yeah, thanks. That would be great."

And it hit me as I opened my browser a few minutes ago that it might not have been moonlight and roses, chocolates and champagne, but that was a pretty romantic gesture my hubby just did for me.

Sometimes they might just seem like ordinary, day in and day out kinds of things, but romantic gestures are there more often than you think. It's recognizing them that's the key.

And I will be sure to return the favor.

Later.

Fun and Unique Dates

2009-04-28T12:39:00.000-05:00

Okay, so Luke and I are the kind of people who have our routines and usually don't deviate from them. When we go on our date nights, we usually go out to dinner. Sometimes to a movie if it is a really special event. ;)

This weekend we were invited to attend a special event sponsored by his work - it was dinner and a short ride on the river cruise boats in downtown/bricktown. This was NOT the canal tour, but actually a nice-sized riverboat that went up and down the river (same place where they do the rowing races, etc.). We were able to spend some 1-on-1 time and just enjoy the ride and conversation.

This got me to thinking that some of our best/most memorable dates have been the unusual ones, the special ones.

*visiting the zoo (before we were even engaged!)
*watching Phantom of the Opera on Broadway in NYC
*spending a day exploring Niagara Falls
*fishing on Grand Lake together

While some of these "dates" were a little more expensive than others, I remember them all because they were unique.

So now I'm plotting... how can we break out of our routine again soon???

P.S. If you live in the OKC area, check out http://www.okrivercruises.com/

My Take on a Few Tips

2009-04-26T23:23:00.005-05:00

I opened up my Internet browser to prepare this post, and as I scanned the news features before going to our blog site, an article caught my eye.

"Staying Committed and Keeping That Spark Alive!"

Well, hey! Alright! I can use some help with that. I mean, that's what we're all about here at Romance Your Spouse . . . keeping the spark in our marriages alive.

So I started reading the article by Jackie Black, PhD, and while I do agree with the essence of the piece, there were a few suggestions that cracked me up a bit. I'm including some of the tips (and this is not the whole article, you can read that at http://www.hitchedmag.com/), and I'll explain what I mean by cracked up.

Do you and your sweetheart carve out quality alone-time together every
week? Do you both take responsibility for it, or does the task fall to one or
the other of you? Do you allow "real" interruptions to get in the way and spoil
your planned time together?

I'll start here by saying I agree with all of these questions. I agree you need alone time together. It's crucial to a healthy marriage (IMO). And it's a good question of who in the marriage is pushing for your time together. If it's just you, you might need to nudge your spouse (or use a baseball bat to the head, whichever method works best for you and your loved one) to be the one to bring the romance once in a while. And if you're always allowing little distractions like the phone, the TV, children who do not have a medical emergency like a broken limb or foreign objects shoved up their noses, to interrupt your time together, you need to find a way to make it about you as a couple.

Here are a few simple suggestions to prioritize your partner:
Meet once a week to look at your schedules and set aside time
for each other.

I agree with this, too. Maybe a little rigid, but still necessary if you both work, have kids with activities, and you need to schedule things right down to the last minute to fit it all in. So if that's the case, go for it. Schedule your time together and stick with it.

At least once a week, plan a date night. Once a month, plan
a date day (that's right, a whole day from morning to evening). Once each
quarter, plan a weekend get-away. Once each year, plan a week away together.

Okay, I have to say it. This is the one that cracked me up the most. While I agree with the concept behind this suggestion, the reality is sometimes a little harder to come by. My husband and I have three young kids. Loud kids. Energetic kids. Occasionally obnoxious kids. And we're broke. We can't afford to go out once a week because of the cost of babysitters and the cost of the actual date itself. Plus, I don't think we can pay anyone around here enough to stay a whole evening with our kids without breaking the bank.

Now, actually a date day is something we might be able to do if we call in a bunch of favors to arrange for family to watch the kids, but we certainly can't do it every month. They live too far away, and they love us, but not that much.

A weekend get away every quarter falls into the same category as the weekly date, no money and no sitters, and a week long vacation, while a dream come true that I might consider selling some plasma to bring about, there's no way we can make that happen.

So these are good suggestions for some, but mostly unrealistic for couples with young kids.

Mark your planned time in your calendar, just like a dentist appointment or
an appointment with a client. Write it in ink! Mark yourself out for a block of
time.

Definitely do this if it helps, and do your best to stick with it.

Take turns planning your dates each week.

Another good suggestion. Sometimes it can be frustrating to be the one coming up with the romantic ideas for you and your sweetie, but if you let them know in a nice way you'd like a hand, usually they'll comply. They love you and want you to be happy.

Do the grocery shopping and buy a bouquet of flowers for your partner.

You should actually try this for your hubby, too. He can take them to his job (if he works in an office), or they can sit by his favorite chair, and be a reminder of your sweet gesture every time he sees them.

Write a love note and leave it for your partner to find.

Yes.

Take a break from watching TV and doing laundry or other chores. Go to bed early and share massages, talk, or cuddle.

Yes, but again, with little kids, it's sometimes easier said than done. But try to do it anyway, at least once a week.

Turn off the TV, turn on the stereo and have a talk.

This can be SUPER relaxing, and a definite must once the kiddos are in bed.

Kiss your mate Good Morning and Good Night every day. Just say, "I love you."

And when you kiss them, kiss'em like you mean it. No quick peck on the cheek or lips. A real hello and good-bye kiss can speak volumes to your spouse. I know it gets my attention when my hubby does it!

So, anyway. Overall, I liked the article, with a few points that are a little unrealistic for us at this time, but still good ideas to shoot for.

If you can fit any of these ideas into your marriage, I say go for it. But if you are able to get away for a week with your honey, know that I am SOOOOO jealous, but happy for you, too.

Later.

Another Dude's Perspective on Romance

2009-04-23T00:00:00.000-05:00

I am pleased to announce we have another male victim . . . er, guest blogger today. His name is Matt Jones, and he is a friend from WIN-ACFW, the Tulsa chapter of ACFW.

Thank you Matt, for being here today.

===================================================================

Romance.

That word could scare the moustache off the Marlboro man. What is it about that word that makes men want to run and hide, hunkered down like fourth graders under their desks in a tornado drill?

Why is it that grown men, men who have been married for years, who have attained the sacred grail of holy matrimony and wooed some poor, unsuspecting woman into a life with them – why do these men still quail at the turn of the calendar every February when Valentine’s day peeks it’s chocolate covered head around the corner?

In a word, it’s simply this: misunderstanding.

When I first became a father, I had a difficult time figuring out how to relate to my little son. At about the age of two, he went from happily playing by himself with toys to, “Daddy! Come play with me!”

How does one play with a two year old?

I had no earthly idea and stressed over the PRESSURE of playing with my two year old little boy. What if I did it wrong? What if he didn’t like the way I played with his toys? What if I damaged his toddler psyche to the point that he grew up hating me and… But I digress.

Finally my wife, whom I consider to be the most fantastic mother on the planet and an expert on all things “child,” had the perfect solution.

“Just sit beside him while he plays. All he wants is for you to be there.”

Sounds simple, right?

But for me, it was revolutionary. First, it was SO much easier than I thought it would be! Not only that, but it took the pressure of performance off of me. Second, it struck me that all I was doing was whatever it took to make him happy. I was, in a sense, romancing him.

Through the years, I’ve found that the relationship between my wife and I is no different. If I set out to try and perform perfect acts of romance for her, and if I try to carry the weight of making romance happen, I wind up feeling stressed and incapable from the beginning.

But, if I approach the idea of romancing my wife by simply choosing to do whatever makes her happy, I’m practicing the “just be there” mentality and romance is produced naturally.

So what does that translate to?

Well, since I’m only married to my wonderful wife, I can only tell you what she loves; and more than anything, she loves for me to have a plan that I’ve thought of in advance specifically catered to her.

I imagine that one day I’ll pull it all together and plan the perfect day of one surprising event after another, with Rio Samba roses and an appropriate change of outfit waiting at every stop.

Ahhhhh . . .

But until that day, it helps to at least start with not making her decide where we should go out to dinner on our anniversary when we climb into the car. Yeah . . . know that ahead of time.

The best way to never get romance right is to try really, really hard to get it perfect without considering who you’re doing it for. Romance isn’t about performance; it’s about caring so much for someone that all you want to do is whatever it takes to make them happy.

And, like the saying goes, when Mama’s happy . . . everybody’s happy.

Matt Jones

Matt is a husband, father, writer, and the president of Jones House Creative. Visit his website at www.joneshousecreative.com.

Just Being Together

2009-04-21T07:38:00.002-05:00

Good morning.

Well, my post is actually somewhat similar to my friend Lacy's. We have been extremely busy over the last few weeks, and honestly, being romantic has not been high on our list of things to do.

But really, it should be.

During the busiest seasons in our lives, we need to cling to one another and find a way to make the time to be together.

Just in the last week, we've had t-ball games, yard work, errands to run, meals to cook, a house to clean, a job search, kids' homework, hubby and the boys took a trip to visit relatives while the baby and I stayed home to rest, and more.

And I'm sure this sounds soooooo familiar to many people out there. Trying to keep up with everything else takes its toll on the time you can spend with your spouse, especially if you both work full-time on top of all that.

Yesterday my husband had errands he needed to run. My first inclination was, "Okay, go ahead. I have some chapters to work on, and laundry to fold."

But then I stopped when I realized we hadn't spent any time together in several days. So I put on my jacket, got the baby ready, and we headed into town to take care of the errands.

And it was nice.

Not wild and passionate.

Not wispy and dreamy.

Just nice.

And truthfully, sometimes nice is all you need together.

So in the midst of your own busy week, find a way to carve out some alone-time together, and don't worry about making it razzle-dazzle (although there's nothing wrong with that, and if you have the chance, GO FOR IT!). Just make it about you and your spouse together in a quiet place, and listening to each other, or soft music, or holding hands and cuddlig without saying a word.

It will help put you back on the track to romance more than you might think.

Later.

When Life is Upside-Down

2009-04-20T20:06:00.002-05:00

So life has been so crazy lately that hubby and I have not been upholding our date night.

For the last couple weeks, between my crazy work schedule, family commitments, church activities, and the insanity of the break-in at our house and the aftermath of dealing with the insurance company (etc.), we just haven't had time.

Instead, we've been trying to make time away from the TV and other distractions to communicate. Just talk. About what's been going on at work, feelings, stress, lots of things. Sometimes this happens at dinnertime and sometime it's when we're already in bed, right before we go to sleep.

Having this time just to talk is necessary for us - we are used to knowing everything that is going on with each other and I think we'd miss out on too much if we didn't take a little time each day to just check in with each other. And, okay, I'm nosy enough to want to know what all has been happening during the day. :)

Hopefully things will get back to "normal" for us soon. My birthday is coming up, so there will definitely be one great date coming up soon!

Exercise your romantic options!

2009-04-16T00:01:00.002-05:00

This is the time of year when my husband and I try to get our annual physicals. Now, a visit to the doctor may not sound like the most romantic topic, but bear with me. First and foremost, if you’re not taking care of your health, you aren’t going to have the energy to be romantic.

Another reason to take care of your health is to make sure you both have the best chance of a long, happy life together. My husband gave me a real scare last year when a routine physical led to a referral to a cardiologist. Jack has been battling high cholesterol, bad HDL/LDL ratios, and borderline high blood pressure for most of his adult life. Faithful about regular exercise and following doctor’s orders, he did his best to keep things under control, but last summer he had angioplasty and a stent. Thankfully he’s now doing great!

Essential to good health is regular exercise. Jack has worked out 2-3 times a week for as long as I’ve known him. Me . . . not so much. I’ve never cared much for working up a sweat. I also resent giving up that 20-30 minutes of time I could be at my computer doing something writing-related. But I know it’s important, and I’m determined to stay active in some form or fashion.

Do you have healthy eating habits? There are many healthful diet plans available, so it’s really a matter of finding what fits your tastes and lifestyle best. Jack and I have focused on The Flat Belly Diet for the past year or so with very positive results. Key to every meal is a serving of MUFAs (monounsaturated fatty acids), such as nuts, avocados, olives, or olive oil. The plan recommends four meals a day of around 400 calories each (men can go a little higher).

Above all, remember that our bodies are God’s temple, and He expects us to do our part in taking care of them. We have no way of knowing how long or short our time on earth may be, but we owe it for the Lord, to our spouse, and to ourselves to keep ourselves fit and healthy for whatever tasks God gives us--including romancing our spouse!

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

2009-04-14T00:00:00.001-05:00

Hello. Denice here again to talk about that whole 'romance on a shoestring budget' thing.

So, I'm not exactly sure where I picked up this little tip, but I gotta say, I've tried it a few times and it works really well when I want to surprise my husband with a bold, loving statement, but I don't want to spend a lot (or any) money.

I take an old tube of lipstick, preferably red, and draw a huge heart on his bathroom mirror. Then I write, "I Luv U" in the center, and (this part may seem a little weird, but looks very cute) I put the lipstick on me and make lipstick "kisses" all around the mirror.

I do this either really early before he gets up, or wait until he's asleep, so the first thing he sees when he turns on the light for his shower is a wonderful wake up message.

He gets a positive and encouraging start to his day, and by the time he gets home, he usually brings something for me, as well (card, flowers, chocolate, whatever).

The only thing you have to worry about is clean-up, but honestly, the mirror probably needed to be cleaned anyway (at least mine does), and now you have a good reason to do it.

Give it a try sometime, and see how your spouse reacts. You both might be pleasantly surprised.
Later.

My Husband, the... Hero?

2009-04-13T12:03:00.000-05:00

One of my MOST IMPORTANT THINGS about Luke, even before we got married, was that I wanted him to take care of me.

After six-almost-seven years of marriage, this has manifested itself in various ways:

He takes care of me by working hard five days a week to pay our bills and take care of my physicals needs, like a house, food, gas, etc.
He takes care of me by making faith a priority in our lives.
He takes care of me by being there for me emotionally when I need to talk, cry, or laugh.
He takes care of me by allowing me to have three fun & ornery dogs that bring joy to our lives and make me laugh.
He takes care of me by supporting my writing career.

Basically, he takes care of me in a million different ways, little and big, and I love him for it (still!).

And recently, I found out just how much I rely on him.

Our house was broken into, during the day while we were at work. I was the first one home and walked into the mess they left when they went through all our stuff. Thankfully, the dogs were left alone (although they went nuts when I finally got to get back there to let them out!). A bunch of our stuff was stolen, including a few pieces of jewelry that had a lot of sentimental value for me.

I was a wreck pretty much all last week. Very shaken up and just felt violated by the fact that someone was IN MY HOUSE. We have a loving family and group of friends who rallied around and supported us, so I felt very blessed by that.

I was scared to stay home alone the first tnight. I could tell a definite difference in my attitude during the times when Luke was home with me versus the times when I was home alone.
I depend on him to take care of me.

When he was there, I wasn't worried at all about what would happen - I knew that no matter what, he would take care of me. I love being able to depend on him for that.

I think there is a Spiritual lesson here, too - God wants to be the one we can depend on to take care of us. And when we do rely on him, we have a sense of peace.

Special Words

2009-04-09T00:00:00.005-05:00

You know, sometimes we want our spouses to speak words of love to us, to say things or do things to show us they love us...in the way we think we want them said or done. Rarely does it happen that way. And because it doesn't, sometimes, we fail to see or hear how they are showing and telling us how much they care, in their own way, each day.

We sometimes miss out on seeing the loving thought when we're brought a cup of coffee while we are hard at work on our WIP or deep into researching for our next one. We don't always see the offer to take us to eat when they know we're too tired to cook as a show of their love for us--and we don't always hear the words they say about us to others...but oh how blessed we are when we do see and hear the little ways they show and tell us how they feel.

When Dan and I came back from the conference a few weeks ago, I'm so very glad I was in earshot when a friend from church asked Dan where we'd been. Dan said he'd taken me to a conference. The man wondered what kind, since Dan is retired. Dan explained that it was a writing conference for me. And I explained that he was there for me and that he didn't want me to drive by myself. Then Dan said he went because he didn't want to be without me. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about how much that one sentence told me he loves me. I don't want to be without him either.

And yes, I did tell Dan how much those words meant to me. I will never forget them.

We need to open our eyes and ears so that we don't miss seeing and hearing the love of our spouses. And then we need to let them know we do.

My Favorite "New" Romantic Movies

2009-04-07T00:00:00.002-05:00

Well, a couple of weeks ago I blogged about some of my favorite old, romantic movies.

So today I thought I would give you the list of my top ten favorite new, romantic movies.

Now . . . let me clarify a little bit. When I say "new" this is said with the understanding that I haven't actually sat in a movie theater with my hubby, holding hands, and sharing a tub of popcorn in six months, and before that it was two or three years.

We were on a trip to Dallas for our 10 year anniversary, and when Scott suggested we go see a movie, my first thought was, "No way! We can go see a movie anytime. We're supposed to be doing fun, unique, and exciting things on this trip."

And my husband's response was, "When was the last time we got to go to a movie together . . . alone . . . or sit through an entire movie at home without interruption."

Well, after that I was convinced. So we went to see Mamma Mia!, and it was wonderful.

But all this is to say that this list of movies is not recent, like a few months old. These are movies from the last 20 years or so.

So here they are, my Top Ten "New" Favorite Romantic Movies.

1. Pride and Prejudice (both versions: the BBC special starring Colin Firth & Jennifer Ehle, and the more recent version with Keira Knightley & Matthew MacFadyen)

2. Return to Me (David Duchovny & Minnie Driver)

3. Sabrina (Harrison Ford & Julia Ormond)

4. Strictly Ballroom (Scott Mercurio & Tara Morice)

5. My Big, Fat Greek Wedding (Nia Vardalos & John Corbett)

6. Sense and Sensibility (Emma Thompson & Hugh Grant, Kate Winslet & Alan Rickman)

7. While You Were Sleeping (Bill Pullman & Sandra Bullock)

8. Benny and Joon (Johnny Depp & Mary Stewart Masterson)

9. The Marrying Man (Alec Baldwin & Kim Basinger)

10. 50 First Dates (Adam Sandler & Drew Barrymore)

Dreaming

2009-04-06T14:36:00.001-05:00

Hubby and I usually eat lunch with either my parents or his parents on Sunday afternoons. It is a nice change of pace for us and a great way to keep close to the family on both sides.
However, yesterday both sets of parents were busy, so Luke and I got to go to lunch together.

This was nice for us because we had a pretty busy weekend, AND Luke was sick, so we didn't get to do our usual date night.

We had a chance to talk about some things, including some of our dreams for the future that we haven't talked about in awhile.

I think it is so important in a marriage to talk about your hopes and dreams as a married couple.

I have some dreams (being published!) that are my own but that will require support from my husband in order to accomplish. Likewise, he has some dreams, like getting our house paid off and then being able to jump into mission work or working with teens, that he will need my support for. And of course, we have our "together" dreams, like having a family and certain trips that we want to take, and what we want to do with the house to make it perfect for us.

We don't talk about those things all the time, but I am so glad we talked about some of them this weekend. It feels so good to have someone affirm what you are working toward, and to be on the same page with someone. Knowing that I have Luke behind me, and that we share our dreams really makes our marriage stronger.

Have you shared dreams with your spouse recently?

Is there such a thing as love chemistry?

2009-04-02T00:30:00.001-05:00

I read an article in AARP Bulletin this month talking about a professor of neuroscience, Larry Young, at Emory University exploring developing a drug that works on our brain to release brain hormones that give us a "warm feeling."

In the article the author wondered if there would be a day when we could take a love pill to help us as the article said, "make people have the impulse and the desire to move closer to one another." It's interesting to note that our brain's chemistry does change in certain activities associated with love (the article gave the examples of breast feeding and sex).

So do you think one day we'll see a love potion on the shelf to tap into those changes that occur in us when we see someone we love?

Prayer - it's great for a marriage

2009-04-01T14:53:00.003-05:00

Being that I’m a Christian, a strong prayer life should be second nature, right? Sadly, no. More times than I’d like to admit, my prayer life has sagged. But God is faithful and He loves His children, even those like myself who get caught up in daily life and tend to walk away from Him occasionally. Thankfully, God always draws me back to Him.

Once I’m back on track with my prayer life, there is one area that tends to garner a great deal of attention. My marriage. Why? Because outside of my relationship with Christ, it is the single most important relationship in my life. Sure I love my kids and my extended family, but my husband is primo. He has my heart and I have his and for that reason alone, I work to protect all that God has blessed between us.

Now to be honest, when we were first married I had no idea how to pray for my husband. So, I looked for help and found it in 4 books. The first and most important book is my bible. The next three are wonderful tools: The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian, A Wife After God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George & A Woman After God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George.

In case you’ve never read any of the last three, let me just note what is really amazing about these authors and their books is they always turn your focus back to God and the study of His word, the bible. He’s the author of our lives so it’s important that we keep Him a priority in our marriage.

I have kept these books close at hand for years, using them extensively as I pray for our marriage. They're dog-eared, marked with favorite passages and littered with scribbled notes in the margins. Each time I pick them up; I am reminded to seek the Lord first when covering our marriage in prayer.

I’ll be the first to admit praying God’s word changes your life. We’ve experienced peace in heartbreaking situations, watched as arguments melted away and a continued love for each other blossom with each passing year. As with most couples, we have our ups and downs, our fights and make-ups, yet through it all, I pray. I ask God to bless us, to protect and strengthen our marriage and to grow a love between us that cannot be broken.

This year we will celebrate 19 years. Wahoo! I believe God is the reason. So my prayer request for you is to place God first, your husband second and let nothing come between you.

Many blessings,
Amy

How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Count The Ways . . .

2009-03-31T00:00:00.002-05:00

I was very touched by my husband’s list of ten things he loves about me. And as he said, this is a gesture we reciprocate for each other because, let’s face it; it’s easier to focus on the negative than on the positive in our lives.

I’m not sure why. I think it has something to do with our psychological make up.

My psychology professor in college performed a little experiment for us once. She chose a girl from our class to be “complimented.” When she came in the room, everyone had their assignment about what to say to her.

“I really love your hair today.”

“Those shoes are so cute.”

“I like that shirt.”

Stuff like that.

But one person in the room was given a negative comment to say to her.

“What’s wrong with your hair? It looks weird today.”

When the teacher called on her to ask what people had been saying to her when she came into the room, the first thing she mentioned was the negative comment. And she had a hard time remembering all the nice things people had said, because the negative stuck so firmly in her mind.

And honestly, I think we fall into the same trap in our marriage. I know I struggle with focusing on the perceived negatives – you didn’t take out the trash, you left the window rolled down in the car and it rained, I just mopped the floor and you tracked mud on it – when I should be focusing on all the wonder things my husband says and does each and every day.

So here’s my list and I hope you’ll take the time to focus on all the positive attributes of your spouse, too.

Ten Things I Love About My Husband:

1. He brings me chocolate without my even having to ask.
2. He supports my goal to establish a writing career.
3. He is a great father to our children.
4. He is willing to run errands most husbands would balk at.
5. He massages my scalp for hours when I have a migraine to help ease the pain.
6. He helps around the house when I ask, but doesn’t stress out when the house is a mess.
7. He listens when I need to vent, even if a big game is on (thank goodness for DVR).
8. I have to stand up on my tip-toes to kiss him.
9. I fit perfectly in his arms, even after all these years.

10. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth, even when I’m grungy and gross.

Romancing the Laundry

2009-03-29T22:57:00.000-05:00

Why is it that a husband helping out with household chores is so sexy?

I know someone wrote about the Five Love Languages back when we started this blog. Is one of them "household chores"? I'm just kidding. If I remember right, there is one about "doing things" for your spouse.

That one is a biggie for both me and my husband. For hubby it is more about bringing him a glass of water, or cooking dinner, or running an errand for him after work.

For me, it is helping out with the dishes, laundry, or just taking out the trash when it gets full. I appreciate those things SO much, because it makes my life easier. And most of the time they don't take that long to do.

Another one of the love languages that is a biggie in our household is Affirmation. We both try to do a good job of telling the other person that we appreciate them. I know there are times that I do better at this than others. Mostly when I'm consciously thinking about it. :) Sometimes, though, when I see something on TV or hear someone at work talking about their spouse, I think to myself, "I'm so glad I married Luke." Then I'll usually try to call him and tell him before I get too busy.

I know when I get those little phone calls or text messages, they brighten up my workday. It is just a nice feeling to be loved, and so easy to do for the other person. I'd better go call Luke now...

One Dude's Perspective on Romance: Positives and Negatives

2009-03-27T10:11:00.007-05:00

Scott here again.

It seems after a couple has been married for many years, or even a few short months, all the negative traits you ignored, or that had not surfaced early in the relationship, gradually emerge in the marriage.

As some of these perceived negatives become relationship issues, we have found that the best course of action is to address them openly and honestly, rather than let them fester beneath the surface.

Another thing we do is consciously focus on the positives in order to break the cycle of negativity.

So I have made a list of ten things I love about my wife. This is a list she also makes, and we deliberately share our lists with each other so we know how the other feels. Her list will be up in her Tuesday post.

If you find yourself focusing on all the negatives in your spouse, try to stop and take a moment to remember all the reasons you fell in love in the beginning, and concentrate on what you love about them now.

Scott A. Stewart

Ten Things I love About My Wife:

* Her pouty look when she needs me to do something for her.
* When I hold her, she’s still a perfect fit.
* Her hair; the look, the smell, the touch.
* The way she cares for others, and never wants to hurt anyone’s feelings.
* The way she hates to see others ridiculed or made fun of. She believes that words do hurt and never wants to see that happen.
* Her smile when someone (hopefully me) makes her laugh.
* Though she is no domestic goddess, I love when she cooks for me.
* I love that she is so good at making the tears of our children go away.
* That she really believes in having a strong family.
* That she has a genuine love of our Lord and Savior.

Golfing or dancing? Now there's a tricky question!

2009-03-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

Opposites attract it’s true, or at least so as it applies to my husband and I. I will be the first to admit that I am in no way shape or form a sports fanatic. He loves them. I swear I think that man of mine can quote stats from any sporting event ever invented. Somehow he knows the coaches, the players, the number of games won vs. lost. I, on the other hand, don’t have the slightest interest in anything sports related.

With one exception. The Ohio State Buckeyes. What can I say? I’m a born and bred Ohioan and frankly it’s in my blood. There’s no changing it, no erasing it and no thwarting a diehard Buckeyes fan. Frankly I feel bad for my neighbors down here in the south. They just don’t understand me! Ah well…it gives them plenty to shake their heads and talk about as I hang my Buckeye banner and wear my scarlet and gray. To each his own, I say.

As for any other sport, forget about it. I don’t want to watch it, or be close to anyone who sweats while they’re playing. Ugh! And yet, I live with a household full of males. Go figure! God certainly has a great sense of humor!

Now I applaud any woman who bonds with their hubbies over sports. Not me. Huh-uh. No way. Even when I’m watching the Bucks play, it’s a lonely deal. I don’t want my “guys” analyzed, stats quoted or a play-by-play commentary from my own peanut galley as the Bucks work their way to a win. I want to scream at the TV without my family looking at me as if I’ve just lost my mind. A tough gig, I know, but I can handle it!

Back to the topic at hand… So how do I manage to make this sports thing work in my marriage? Trade off!

A few years ago, I wanted to take ballroom dancing lessons in the worst kind of way. However, the minute I said the word dance my husband cringed. Honestly, I think my husband would rather have drug-free dental work done rather than to go dancing. He’s not alone, I’m afraid. Ask any man to take you dancing and they run for hills. Truth be told though, the feeling’s mutual for me at the thought of doing anything sports related.

However, my thought is, a couple that plays together, stays together. So I made him a deal. I’d go golfing if he’d take me dancing. Thinking I got the sweet end of the deal, because let’s face it, how hard could hitting a little white ball across the field, really be?! I marched right out and signed us up for dancing and golf. I pictured myself dancing and twirling in my husband’s arms for years to come and golf would become a distant memory.

No so. Let’s just say, we spent more time laughing about timing, sore feet and my love for twirling much more than we ever did Cha-Cha-Cha-ing our way across the ballroom. As for golfing…I still have the clubs, the cute golf shirts and I do go to the range every once in a blue moon with my boys to shoot a bucket of balls. But don’t you dare ask me to chase a little white ball for 18 holes! It’s not going happen anymore than if I asked my husband to take me to a dance club to Tango in front of a crowd. He’d rather die!

The bottom line is, try something new. Meet in the middle. If he loves tennis and you want a yoga partner, take a couples class together. It doesn’t have to be a lifetime commitment, it’s for fun. And isn’t that what this is about? Adding a spark to your marriage, laughing so hard you can’t breathe and building memories that both of you will cherish? Of course it is!

So get out there, go skydiving, snowboarding or square dancing. Who knows, maybe you’ll find something you both love to do. If not, you’ll have lots of fun trying!

As for us, we’ll keep meeting in the middle. Compromise is a big word in our household. In fact for our anniversary we’ll be trying something new again. Guess what it is…if mud, trails and 4-wheels came to mind, then you’d be on the right track!

Until next time, here’s to keeping the fun alive in your marriage!

Many blessings & much laughter! Amy

Oldies, But Goodies

2009-03-24T00:00:00.000-05:00

Hello, everyone!

One of the little known facts about me, or maybe it’s well known . . . I don’t know . . . anyway, I am a huge fan of old movies. If I didn’t think it would put my dear husband in a coma, I would probably spend every spare moment that I wasn’t reading a book watching a movie.

And I happen to love old movies. Now, when I say old I mean thirty years ago and beyond. (So sorry if that offends any of our mature readers, but I figure if it lands on TCM, then it falls into the “old movie” category.)

I have compiled a list of my favorites, and they are in no particular order, except the No. 1 movie really is my favorite Golden Oldie of a movie.

Now, my husband is a fan of a couple of these movies. He really likes Sabrina, and he likes Barefoot in the Park.

Don't get me wrong, these movies are no The Godfather, The Godfather II, or Cool Hand Luke, but as far as "chick" movies go, these are the ones he can handle, maybe even smile at.

I can get him to cuddle on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and a couple of drinks if these movies are on. (I am a big fan of couch cuddling, by the way. Not only is it affordable, but I get to hang close with my man and we get to laugh together.)

On the other hand, Hubby can’t stand Bringing Up Baby because Katherine Hepburn’s character wrecks the Cary Grant character’s life, drags him through all kinds of trouble with her screw-ball antics, and never really apologizes for any of her outrageous stunts.

To me, that’s what makes the movie great and they wind up together in the end. Yay!

But anywhoo, these are my favorites, and you can feel free to add your personal preferences to the comments section.

Later.

1. The King and the Chorus Girl – Fernand Gravet & Joan Blondell
2. Father Goose – Cary Grant & Leslie Caron
3. Sabrina – Humphrey Bogart & Audrey Hepburn
4. Breakfast at Tiffany’s – George Peppard & Audrey Hepburn
5. Bringing Up Baby – Cary Grant & Katherine Hepburn
6. Fools for Scandal – Fernand Gravet & Carole Lombard
7. Barefoot in the Park – Robert Redford & Jane Fonda
8. Hello, Dolly! – Walter Matthau & Barbra Streisand
9. Guys and Dolls – Marlon Brando & Jean Simmons
10. Born Yesterday – William Holden & Judy Holliday

Basketball is Romantic???

2009-03-23T10:32:00.000-05:00

My husband is a huge college basketball fan, so this weekend when March Madness began, he was in heaven. He watched almost every game (with some comments about why some of his favorite teams have to be playing AT THE SAME TIME), and highlights, and commentary on ESPN when there weren't games to watch.

I don't consider basketball (or most sports!) terribly romantic. But I enjoy watching it on occaision, and the Big Dance has become something of a tradition for us to watch together.

We both like to fill out our own brackets and joke around with each other about who is winning, who picked the better teams, etc.

And, you have to admit, the players seem like they take their game up a notch for the tournament - they give it everything, not worried about getting hurt or looking foolish. They just want to win (which is a whole 'nother topic!). This makes the games much more interesting to watch. Not to mention nail-biting, hair-pulling and stomach-clenching. And Luke's team (Kansas) is still in it!

This is definitely one of the ways we've brought friendship into our marriage - which I feel is a necessary component of sustaining a long-term romance: finding things to do together. Watching basketball isn't my favorite thing to do, but it is pretty fun and hubby feels loved that we can watch it together.

And then when it's my turn, I get to have my chick-flicks. :)

What matters most

2009-03-19T00:03:00.002-05:00

My husband is big on projects--tackling a major cleaning job, reorganizing the garage, sorting through the junk in the attic, painting the house. As long as it doesn’t involve extreme carpentry or plumbing skills, he can usually handle it.

The problem is, when he comes up with a project, he usually--somewhere along the way--needs my help. Like this month he decided it was time to paint our bedroom. So off to the paint store we went, pillow sham in hand for color matching purposes, and bought the paint.

Next thing I knew, he’d gotten out the “moving men” (you know, those little orange disks you put underneath furniture so it slides across the carpet). I went downstairs to find most of my bedroom furniture in the den and couldn’t find my sock drawer for two days.

To make a laboriously long story short, last Friday and Saturday we painted the room, lemon-oiled the furniture, and finally got everything put back together on Sunday afternoon.

But all the while I was thinking, “If only we put as much effort into our marriage as we do with these projects, we’d have a pretty awesome relationship!” I’m reminded of something I read once in a book on time management, how we expend our energies on the urgent rather than on what’s important.

A hole in the roof is urgent. A leaking toilet is urgent. A dead car battery is urgent. Your boss leaning over your shoulder demanding that report is urgent.

Your marriage is important.

Think about it. Two years, five years, twenty years from now, what’s really going to matter?

Yes, do what you must to keep your home and job on track, but put your best energy where your heart is. Your marriage deserves your highest creativity, your greatest effort, your strongest commitment.

I think I need to go take my own advice. Catch you next month!

Couples who volunteer together - stay together!

2009-03-18T06:00:00.001-05:00

I just finished reading an article about Chuck and Dottie Gauntlett, a local couple who are both in their 70’s, and who spend much of their time helping others. It’s a combined effort they both truly love. Chuck is a retired military man, serving in both the Army and Air Force. Dottie on the other hand is a retired nurse.

Many would think that this couple should be spending their time walking on a tropical beach, snorkeling with the fishes or hightailing it through Europe. Not these two. Instead, this couple volunteers much of their time for the Habit for Humanity.

Chuck and Dottie volunteer in almost every stage of the development of a home. From the construction to the dedication they actively work to help other couples build a life and a future together.

And what do they do once those responsibilities are completed? Why volunteer elsewhere….of course! Dottie can be found at her church sewing quilts that will later be donated to those in need while Chuck can be found volunteering for a disaster relief team.

Now how’s that for retirement?

I love reading articles about people like Chuck and Dottie Gauntlett. They’re guiding lights to those of us who are a little younger, whose nest isn’t quite empty yet and are in the throes of raising kids. The Gauntlett’s lead the way by showcasing a marriage that has worked together, played together and now volunteers together. This endearing couple proves that by doing something that they both enjoy they not only build a strong marriage they also help their fellow man.

A lesson, I dare say, we all could learn.

So let me challenge you and your spouse to find a volunteer activity that you both will enjoy doing. Whether it’s working with an organization to feed hungry children, sorting donations for a local food bank or like the Gauntlett’s you nail 2x4’s to build a new home for a young couple, get out there and do something!

And when you do, drop me a line and tell me about it! I want to know what you’re doing and how it’s changing your marriage.

Until then – God bless! ~ Amy

The Dating Game

2009-03-17T00:00:00.001-05:00

Hello everyone!

Glad to be back with you today. I had planned to tell you how my date with my husband went over the weekend while we were visiting my mother.

We had planned while she watched the kids to go out for dinner, and since she lives in a rural area, we were going to do the old high school date routine and go sit out under the stars while the radio played and we'd talk about our dreams and future plans.

Only one small problem . . . there was no date!

The kids are still getting over a bout with the flu, and Mom just didn't think she could handle all three sick kids on her own. And I don't blame her for that. I'm their mother and I don't think I can handle all three of them on my own when they're sick.

So we called my brother to come over and give Mom a hand so Hubby and I could be on our way. But after we told him where we were going for dinner, my brother got all excited.

That's his favorite restaurant!

Couldn't we drive over (the restaurant is 30 minutes from my mom's house), and pick up enough food for everyone?

Uh, well, that kind of defeated the purpose of us going out alone on a date.

He reasoned we could go on a date any time, and that he was starving, and now that he had that restaurant in his head, no other food sounded good to eat.

So being the good sister and brother-in-law that we are, Hubby and I drove over, picked up dinner for everyone, and brought the food home. But unfortunately, in absolutely no way, shape, or form did our delivery service resemble a date.

And I have to say this totally bummed me out. Before we left for my mom's house for the weekend, we had the date night all worked out with her.

Now, the kids being sick didn't help the situation, but still . . . I was really looking forward to our simple, quiet time alone to stare at the sky, hold hands, and feel like teenagers again, but minus the crazy hormones.

So this week's planned romantic date was a bust. We'll have to see how it goes before my next post.

I hope you are all trying hard to work special time with your sweetie into your week. As I am discovering in my efforts to be more deliberate with the romance in our marriage, it's not easy!

Later.

Romance on a busy schedule - take 2

2009-03-16T06:00:00.000-05:00

The busyness at work continues...

Luke definitely fanned the romance this past week by bringing home dinner a couple of times, doing dishes and laundry, and just all-around being encouraging.

We did find time to watch Australia on DVD together this weekend. I am a sucker for romantic movies, that's one of the first things Luke noticed about me when we first dated.

Our first kiss was during Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (okay, not totally a romantic movie, but there is a romance thread!).

He took me to see Pride and Prejudice (2005 version) three times in theaters.

One of our cheap dates during college was to curl up and watch movies together.

Of course, I have to give in part of the time and let him watch his adventure/shoot-'em-up/suspense movies sometimes. It only seems fair. Oh, and during sports season (football and basketball, mostly), his guy movies get pre-empted by the sports watching.

Necessities for movie-watching romance in our house include 1) comfy couch; 2) popcorn and/or sweets; 3) blanket for Lacy (he keeps it so cold in our house!!!), or substitute a snuggly lap dog; 4) holding hands.

Wonder if I can get away with watching a girly movie this weekend...? Probably not, thanks to March Madness. ;)

Day Trippin' - A daily dose of romance

2009-03-15T18:58:00.002-05:00

Ok ya’ll, remember how I talked about our family’s love of road trips and trying new places to eat? Well we did just that today. We headed up to the Hammett House in Claremore, Oklahoma and enjoyed a late lunch. A little slice of heaven can be spelled, Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Pie. I’ve included a picture so feel free to drool to your heart’s content. And yes, it really is as big as it looks…7 inches tall!

As for the romance... I love having my hubby next to me as we head out for a new adventure. The excitement of breaking away from our normal lives and trying something different draws us closer while giving us the opportunity to share what’s going on in our hearts and minds.

But this time our car ride was quiet. No talking. Or at least very little. I can’t say why, we weren’t mad, the kids weren’t fighting and we haven’t seen much of each other lately because of dear hubby’s travel schedule. So we should’ve had every reason to spill, but instead we chose this day trip to simply sit back, enjoy the scenery and each other’s company in silence.

Now ladies, there’s a lot to be said for being comfortable enough with your spouse that you can spend hours in the car together, not say a solitary word and yet still have a wonderful time. Talk about true love!

We had a delightful day. The weather was perfect, the food delicious and we rounded out the day by taking in the Will Rogers Memorial. A fun day for everyone!

Now that we’re back home, relaxing in the final daylight hours of the evening I feel blessed to be married to a man whose company I enjoy whether we’re busy chatting or whether we’re quiet and contemplative. And well, it’s a major bonus that he’s willing to spend hours in the car just to share a piece of heaven!

Should you feel the need, based on the picture, to duplicate our trip, take a peek at the Hammett House website. http://www.hammetthouse.com/

Until next time,
Many blessings ~ Amy

A few days away

2009-03-12T00:00:00.004-05:00

Dan and I went to a writing conference in Louisiana this past weekend--well, I went to the conference and he took me. He is, and always has been, so supportive of my writing. And he does enjoy being on the sidelines at conferences. Many of my friends spot him before they do me. He was impressed with his first one because he says there aren't many professions where people go out of their way to help their competition. :) He lets me do whatever I need to and he finds things to do on his own, but is always there for me.

And I love having him with me. Conferences are always busy times for me, seeing old friends, meeting new ones and learning all kinds of things. They can also be exciting, stressful and very tiring--all at the same time. But it's just a good feeling to know he's there and to be able to talk to him about what is happening at the end of the day. It is also a time for us to have some time for ourselves. We went to dinner together one night and that was a nice break. The drive there and back gives us that special time to talk about the things we don't always get around to talking about at home, and we come home feeling a little closer for getting away--and I appreciate him even more for being so supportive.

For those of you who've thought about taking your husband with you to conferences, I'd say try it at least once. It can be a really special time for both of you. He'll come home with a better understanding of just what it is you do at them and you'll come home loving him for just being there for you.

Fireproof - Never Leave Your Partner Behind - Movie Review

2009-03-11T14:02:00.005-05:00

The Studio Blurb: “A movie…A marriage…A movement! At work, inside burning buildings, Capt. Caleb Holt lives by the old firefighter’s adage: Never leave your partner behind. At home, in the cooling embers of his marriage, he lives by his own rules. His job is to rescue others. Now Caleb Holt is ready to face his toughest job ever…rescuing his wife’s heart.

My take: When this movie hit the scene, I’d heard rave reviews from many of my friends. Fireproof was being shown in churches around the country including mine so I was eager to see its debut. Alas, a sick child prevented us from attending. So when the DVD hit our local Christian bookstore I jumped at the chance to own it and watch the movie with our family.

Excellent! Excellent! Excellent! From the title to the rolling credits, the resounding theme was repeated and made clear: In marriage, you never leave your partner behind, especially in a fire.

How appropriate for such a time as this. In today’s world where everything and anything including marriages, are disposable, Fireproof showcases exactly what happens in a marriage when the “forever death do us part” becomes more about husbands and wives who stop focusing on God’s will for their marriage and become more in tune with the world’s philosophy of self-satisfaction and immediate gratification.

As I was watching the movie I began taking notes of tidbits that caught my attention that I think prove extremely valuable in keeping our marriages healthy and the romance alive.

1) Make Jesus the most significant part of your marriage - Take time to pray over your husband or wife, allowing Jesus to guide, protect and grow your marriage. If you are not a believer as was Caleb Holt in the movie why not give Jesus a chance? Find a new church and get connected and learn more about what God says is good for you and your marriage.

2) Don’t forget to say “Thank you Lord” - Outside of making Christ your Savior, this is so important. In the rush of daily living all of us have the tendency to forget our blessings, from our health, our lives and most importantly, our partners.

3) Fireproof your marriage – As the movie so adequately states, fireproofing your marriage doesn’t mean you won’t go through the fire but that together you’ll be able to withstand the fire. How? Invest in it with all your heart. And when times get tough, don’t take the easy way out and run for the door. Find a trusted friend, family member, pastor or counselor who will have your marriage’s best interest at heart and one who will work with you to help put out the fire in your marriage.

4) Finally, watch this with your entire family. My daughter’s away at school so she wasn’t present for the viewing however, let me tell you from a mother’s perspective just how amazing this was to watch with my sons. Even at their pubescent, hormonal ages where iPods and gaming stations reign supreme, both of my boys were glued to this movie. They were captivated of course with the fire scenes but also they watched a movie that showed a young man in the midst of a crumbling marriage work diligently to save it from destruction. They saw how Caleb Holt destroyed his computer because of “parasites” that were luring his attention. They watched Caleb woo his wife with prayer, honesty, integrity and a whopping dose of the God Lord above! How cool is that?!

If you haven’t seen Fireproof go get it, pull the family together and watch this dynamic movie. Also, should you want to take the 40-day Love Dare that Caleb takes in the movie, check out http://www.fireproofyourmarriage.com/

Enjoy!
Many blessings! ~Amy

2009-03-10T00:01:00.001-05:00

Hello, everyone.

Since my last post we have had a run of the cold and flu virus being passed around our house.

My husband, the children, and I have all been down at one point or another over the past week with a cough, runny nose, congestion, and fever.

Not exactly the ideal situation for romance when you’ve been up for 36 hours at a time with sick kids, and then fall ill yourself.

And thankfully Hubby was sick for a couple of days, then it was my turn, so we were never knocked out at the same time.

So what does any of this have to do with romance?

Well, not much. As I said, it’s hard to feel romantic when you’re blowing icky stuff into a tissue or coughing so hard it feels like a lung is going to pop out.

But . . . I have to say that all the non-romance of the last week has really made me think hard about how much I was enjoying the tiny embers we were creating over the last month. And how much I miss them.

Since starting this blog, I have been very intentional about the romance in our marriage. We are both re-developing an awareness of each other, and are making an effort to nurture the growing sparks of passion we felt in the early years as husband and wife.

So this past week of no time for anything except medicine, Kleenex, and bed-rest has made me realize how much I miss giving and receiving various forms of affection with my husband.

It has also made me more determined than ever to put that extra effort into romancing my spouse. And hopefully he will be so inclined as to reciprocate with romantic efforts of his own.

This weekend, and throughout the week, we are planning in some way, shape or form to make time to be alone together, and to share little bits of love and affection.

I hope each of you are able to do the same; take time to be together and show your love for one another, however that may be.

Dinner for two - Recipe for romance

2009-03-07T18:50:00.003-06:00

Grilled Teriyaki Salmon with roasted fingerling garlic-rosemary potatoes & grilled asparagus

Dear Readers,

Since I’ve revealed our love of a couples night dinner I thought I’d share one of our easy delicious dinners.

Items needed:
Oven preheated to 450*
Gas or charcoal grill – medium high heat

2 Salmon steaks marinated for 1 hour in 1 cup of teriyaki sauce –
We use either Yoshida’s Gourmet Teriyaki sauce or Very Very Teriyaki by Soy Vay
Aluminum foil – use this to create a flat cooking pan with edges curled

2 lbs. washed fingerling potatoes
chopped garlic
crushed rosemary
salt & pepper
olive oil

1lb. Asparagus
4-5 slices prosciutto
salt & pepper
olive oil

To ensure that all items come out at the same time, I prep the grill and oven at the same time. Please keep in mind that the seasoning such as garlic, rosemary and salt & pepper are added to your own specific tastes. I tend to add a dash of this (garlic & rosemary) and a smidge of that (salt & pepper) and a splash of olive oil. But feel free to add as much or as little as you see fit.

Toss the potatoes, garlic, rosemary and seasonings in the olive oil, place on a baking sheet and throw into the oven for approximately 35-40 minutes.

Approximately 20 minutes into the potatoes roasting timeline create a baking tray out of 3 sheets of aluminum foil. Curl the edges so they are about a .5-inch tall. This will prevent the marinade from spilling when you flip the fish. Keep in mind the tray should be large enough to hold the salmon and some of the marinade. Put the “fish tray” on the grill. Cooking times vary with the fish depending on whether you’ve bought thick steaks or filets. But typically the fish will cook in about 10-20 minutes. Flip the fish only once. This fish is done when it can be flaked with a fork.

As the fish begins to cook it’s time to prep the asparagus. Make a baking tray for the asparagus using 3 sheets of aluminum foil. Curl the edges to prevent the olive oil from spilling onto the grill. Set aside. Trim the ends off the asparagus and wash & dry. In a bowl, toss the asparagus with a little olive oil and the seasonings. Pour into the aluminum tray. Top the asparagus with the prosciutto and lay the tray on the hot grill. You will only need to

*** Be advised that as the fish cooks the teriyaki sauce will caramelize and tend to burn. I find that if I’ve added a fair amount of the marinade then about the time I’m ready to pull the fish off the grill the marinade will have cooked down to a wonderfully gooey caramel sauce that I love spooning over the cooked fish.

Keep an eye on entire meal. As the potatoes finish their cooking time, so should the asparagus. If the salmon isn’t quite done and the veggies are, turn off the oven, leave the oven door slightly ajar and pull the asparagus off the grill and slip it into the oven to stay warm until the salmon finishes.

***Please note: You’ll need tongs and an oven proof plate so you can pull the aluminum trays off the grill and onto a sturdy surface (the plate) otherwise, the aluminum foil will crumble and your meal will fall at your feet. Bummer!

Serve all these yummies up on a beautiful table setting for two, pop the cork of a beautiful glass of white wine and enjoy! Typically I serve an Albarino white by Nora or a Pinot Grigio by Santa Margherita. Either way, I hope you’ll enjoy this meal with your loved one.

If you try this recipe or you have any questions, I’d love to hear from you. Until then, here’s to keeping the romance alive in your marriage!

Many blessings ~ Amy

After Thirty-Eight Years

2009-03-05T00:30:00.001-06:00

How do you keep the romance alive in a marriage after spending thirty-eight years together?

That's a good question. It isn't always easy and as always you have to work at it. And there are times you don't do a good job. I think after you have been married a while you develop a solid friendship which can be so important through the good and tough times. My husband is my best friend. I know him well to the point I can tell you what he will say a lot of the times. But that can be a problem in some marriage. How do you keep things "new and fresh."

One of the ways is I have us do things that we've never done before. Not long ago we went zipping (on a line) around the treetops in a jungle. That was amazing. When I wasn't clinging on for dear life, the view was awesome. (The picture above could be me but it isn't. However, I did something just like it. I just can't find my pictures of it.) Or we went swimming with sharks and stingrays. That was amazing, too, although I kept watching out for Jaws.

So what are some of the things you can do to keep your marriage alive, especially when you begin to know your spouse so well you can finish his/her sentence?

Love Notes

2009-03-03T00:00:00.000-06:00

Hello, everyone.

I recently picked up a book on romance: 1001 Ways to be Romantic by Gregory J.P. Godek.

It’s actually pretty good. It’s not a hard read, and the content is laid out in the simplest of terms:
1. Blah, blah, blah.

2. More blah, blah, blah.

(And I say blah, blah not because it’s boring, but because I don’t want to get into trouble with copyright issues for using his material, etc.)

But this book is filled with over a thousand ideas (obviously) from grand: a marching band in the front yard; to small: gaze into each others eyes . . . often.

So I flipped through the book and chose something at random, something simple . . . slip a note into the book he’s reading, telling him you love him.

That was easy enough to do.

He’s always reading a book, so I jotted off a quick message, “Just wanted you to know: I Love You,” and snuck it in between the pages.

Then I waited, and waited, and waited.

I began to wonder if he would see it. Would he realize it was from me, or just throw it away since the book is from the library?

And if he did find it, would he say anything? My hubby is sweet, but not known to mention details on . . . well, anything. Would this be just another piece of paper his wife scrawled on, or would he recognize it as a gesture of love, and know that he’s in my thoughts?

Well, my answer came when one of the twins came bursting into our bedroom where I was working on a manuscript. My husband followed him in and dragged him out so I could continue working, but stopped before closing the door.

“And I love you, too. Thanks for the note.”

I smiled, and he smiled back.

So I’ll keep trying ideas from the book each and let you know how they go.

Later.

Busy busy busy

2009-03-02T10:40:00.001-06:00

The last two weeks I have felt a lot like the fish in the Disney movie Little Nemo who says "just keep swimming, just keep swimming"!

Busy season has officially begun. And although it won't be as bad for me as it is for our poor tax professionals, it wears me out. Runs me ragged. Exhausts me. Every year. Thank goodness it only lasts about 6-8 weeks (for me anyway).

During this time of year, I definitely don't feel like taking time to think about romance or what I need to do to keep Luke happy. So of course that is a big red flag for me that I need to be on my toes to make sure I am not neglecting my marriage right now. Sure, the housework can suffer a little. Cooking, what's that??? Unfortunately I can't ignore the extra work, it's required.

So what do I do?

The best I can.

Last week was a particularly difficult one. I only managed to drag myself out of the house for dinner with Luke on Friday, and then because I knew I could sleep in a little on Saturday. We were able to really tune in to each other and listen, and had some great conversation.

And then jumped into the rest of the busy weekend. I met with my writer friends on Saturday (desperately needed!!), in between loads of laundry. And about half of Sunday was spent in worship and family time with my extended family. I did get a little "me" time slipped in there, too, and a few hours of work. Yuck. I hate working on the weekends.

I can still feel it this Monday morning - I'm stretched a little thin. Because my hubby is such a GUY, he probably will need more than a hint, but I'll definitely be informing him tonight that I'll require some special treatment this week.

Wonder what he'll come up with? Last year he made a special dinner and cleaned it up all on his own. I'll report back in next week and let you know.