My Take on a Few Tips

I opened up my Internet browser to prepare this post, and as I scanned the news features before going to our blog site, an article caught my eye.

"Staying Committed and Keeping That Spark Alive!"

Well, hey! Alright! I can use some help with that. I mean, that's what we're all about here at Romance Your Spouse . . . keeping the spark in our marriages alive.

So I started reading the article by Jackie Black, PhD, and while I do agree with the essence of the piece, there were a few suggestions that cracked me up a bit. I'm including some of the tips (and this is not the whole article, you can read that at http://www.hitchedmag.com/), and I'll explain what I mean by cracked up.

Do you and your sweetheart carve out quality alone-time together every
week? Do you both take responsibility for it, or does the task fall to one or
the other of you? Do you allow "real" interruptions to get in the way and spoil
your planned time together?

I'll start here by saying I agree with all of these questions. I agree you need alone time together. It's crucial to a healthy marriage (IMO). And it's a good question of who in the marriage is pushing for your time together. If it's just you, you might need to nudge your spouse (or use a baseball bat to the head, whichever method works best for you and your loved one) to be the one to bring the romance once in a while. And if you're always allowing little distractions like the phone, the TV, children who do not have a medical emergency like a broken limb or foreign objects shoved up their noses, to interrupt your time together, you need to find a way to make it about you as a couple.

Here are a few simple suggestions to prioritize your partner:
Meet once a week to look at your schedules and set aside time
for each other.

I agree with this, too. Maybe a little rigid, but still necessary if you both work, have kids with activities, and you need to schedule things right down to the last minute to fit it all in. So if that's the case, go for it. Schedule your time together and stick with it.

At least once a week, plan a date night. Once a month, plan
a date day (that's right, a whole day from morning to evening). Once each
quarter, plan a weekend get-away. Once each year, plan a week away together.

Okay, I have to say it. This is the one that cracked me up the most. While I agree with the concept behind this suggestion, the reality is sometimes a little harder to come by. My husband and I have three young kids. Loud kids. Energetic kids. Occasionally obnoxious kids. And we're broke. We can't afford to go out once a week because of the cost of babysitters and the cost of the actual date itself. Plus, I don't think we can pay anyone around here enough to stay a whole evening with our kids without breaking the bank.

Now, actually a date day is something we might be able to do if we call in a bunch of favors to arrange for family to watch the kids, but we certainly can't do it every month. They live too far away, and they love us, but not that much.

A weekend get away every quarter falls into the same category as the weekly date, no money and no sitters, and a week long vacation, while a dream come true that I might consider selling some plasma to bring about, there's no way we can make that happen.

So these are good suggestions for some, but mostly unrealistic for couples with young kids.

Mark your planned time in your calendar, just like a dentist appointment or
an appointment with a client. Write it in ink! Mark yourself out for a block of
time.

Definitely do this if it helps, and do your best to stick with it.

Take turns planning your dates each week.

Another good suggestion. Sometimes it can be frustrating to be the one coming up with the romantic ideas for you and your sweetie, but if you let them know in a nice way you'd like a hand, usually they'll comply. They love you and want you to be happy.

Do the grocery shopping and buy a bouquet of flowers for your partner.

You should actually try this for your hubby, too. He can take them to his job (if he works in an office), or they can sit by his favorite chair, and be a reminder of your sweet gesture every time he sees them.

Write a love note and leave it for your partner to find.

Yes.

Take a break from watching TV and doing laundry or other chores. Go to bed early and share massages, talk, or cuddle.

Yes, but again, with little kids, it's sometimes easier said than done. But try to do it anyway, at least once a week.

Turn off the TV, turn on the stereo and have a talk.

This can be SUPER relaxing, and a definite must once the kiddos are in bed.

Kiss your mate Good Morning and Good Night every day. Just say, "I love you."

And when you kiss them, kiss'em like you mean it. No quick peck on the cheek or lips. A real hello and good-bye kiss can speak volumes to your spouse. I know it gets my attention when my hubby does it!

So, anyway. Overall, I liked the article, with a few points that are a little unrealistic for us at this time, but still good ideas to shoot for.

If you can fit any of these ideas into your marriage, I say go for it. But if you are able to get away for a week with your honey, know that I am SOOOOO jealous, but happy for you, too.

Later.

The Dating Game

Hello everyone!

Glad to be back with you today. I had planned to tell you how my date with my husband went over the weekend while we were visiting my mother.

We had planned while she watched the kids to go out for dinner, and since she lives in a rural area, we were going to do the old high school date routine and go sit out under the stars while the radio played and we'd talk about our dreams and future plans.

Only one small problem . . . there was no date!

The kids are still getting over a bout with the flu, and Mom just didn't think she could handle all three sick kids on her own. And I don't blame her for that. I'm their mother and I don't think I can handle all three of them on my own when they're sick.

So we called my brother to come over and give Mom a hand so Hubby and I could be on our way. But after we told him where we were going for dinner, my brother got all excited.

That's his favorite restaurant!

Couldn't we drive over (the restaurant is 30 minutes from my mom's house), and pick up enough food for everyone?

Uh, well, that kind of defeated the purpose of us going out alone on a date.

He reasoned we could go on a date any time, and that he was starving, and now that he had that restaurant in his head, no other food sounded good to eat.

So being the good sister and brother-in-law that we are, Hubby and I drove over, picked up dinner for everyone, and brought the food home. But unfortunately, in absolutely no way, shape, or form did our delivery service resemble a date.

And I have to say this totally bummed me out. Before we left for my mom's house for the weekend, we had the date night all worked out with her.

Now, the kids being sick didn't help the situation, but still . . . I was really looking forward to our simple, quiet time alone to stare at the sky, hold hands, and feel like teenagers again, but minus the crazy hormones.

So this week's planned romantic date was a bust. We'll have to see how it goes before my next post.

I hope you are all trying hard to work special time with your sweetie into your week. As I am discovering in my efforts to be more deliberate with the romance in our marriage, it's not easy!

Later.

Dinner for two please...

Years ago, when my kids were toddlers, we lived in the Northwest where seafood reigns supreme. My husband and I love seafood, our kids…hate it! Whenever I’d make any type of seafood they’d go screaming down the hall, tears would fall and a battle would ensue.

I was lamenting to my mother-in-law about this seafood issue when she told me, “pick your battles wisely.” Smart woman. So I stopped chasing my kids, trying to force them to eat something they thought was horrible and gave them what they would eat, “kid food.” This worked for a while, but frankly an adult can only eat so much pizza and chicken nuggets before we simply get sick of it all and start craving real food.

One day as I was flipping through my recipe cards I came upon one of our favorite entrees. Grilled Teriyaki Halibut with asparagus. My mouth started to water and instantly my mind was made up. No more kid food! But what was I going to do? The kids hate it, we love it. Aha! Two meals. Honestly I think I left skid marks in my driveway as I sped off to the market! I grabbed dinner fixin’s for two groups, the kiddies and the adults.

Now, I swear my kids have seafood sonar. The minute I walked into the kitchen with the grocery bags, they wrinkled their noses and went to their respective boxing corners, ready to do battle. Quickly, I pulled out the pizza box and waved it in front of them. Still not quite believing me, I reassured them that I was making pizza for them and seafood for dad and I. In fact, I told them, they’d be eating dinner early and then going outside to play so they didn’t have to smell the grilled seafood. Squeals of glee rang throughout our home! Within minutes they gobbled up the pizza and shot outside, happy to have escaped a fish ordeal.

Meanwhile, I grilled up our dinner and set the dinner table. I used the nice china, lit a couple of candles and waited for my hubby to come home. When he walked in the kitchen sheer joy erupted on his face!

Dinner was a huge success for everyone. The kids loved having Friday night pizza and we loved having our seafood night. Even now, years later, we still carry on this tradition. It’s a break from the weekly grind that the entire family enjoys.

And the greatest benefit of it all..”alone time” with my hubby. Sure, the kids are still around, well, sort of…the smell of the fish keep them outside playing! Which works wonderfully for us. We get a chance to sit, unwind, talk and enjoy a great meal as the kids play. And we didn’t need to leave our home or pay for babysitters.

So try it! Start a new weekly tradition. Pick up your favorite dinner fixin’s or your favorite Chinese take-out and enjoy it on the patio as the sun sets and the children play. You’ll be glad you made the effort to nurture your love for each other!

Wishing you all the best on your date night! Blessings & much love, Amy