10 inexpensive things to do as a couple

Let’s face it--the economy hasn’t been very favorable for expensive dates or romantic getaways. But togetherness really doesn’t have to cost anything to be worth the effort. Here are ten suggestions for spending some inexpensive quality time with your sweetheart:

1. The popcorn/drink special at Target. For only a buck fifty or so, you get a bag of popcorn and medium soft drink--can’t beat that anywhere! My sweetie and I like to find a spot in the back where we can enjoy each other’s company as we people-watch. It’s relaxing, fun, and oh-so-cheap!
2. Window-shop at the mall. Okay, this one may be a little dangerous for your pocketbook if you happen to spy something you just can’t live without. But walking the mall is good exercise. It can also be a pleasant time of exchanging ideas and dreaming together about your future.
3. Bargain matinee at the movies. Even better, maybe you have a discount theater in your neighborhood. The movies may not be the most recent releases, but what’s more romantic than holding hands and stealing kisses in a darkened theater?
4. Walking the dogs at the park. Just as fun if you don’t have pets. Like the mall, good exercise. And there’s something about the forward momentum of a quiet walk to encourage pleasant conversation.
5. Act like kids again. Find a park or schoolyard with a playground and take turns pushing each other on a swing or going down a slide. Brave the merry-go-round only if you think your tummy can take it!
6. Read to each other. Try a series of books like The Chronicles of Narnia. Have fun with accents and dramatic voice inflections. My sweetie and I tried this one year, and it became one of our most treasured couple memories.
7. Stargaze. Just Google “sky map” for a list of sites where you can learn what’s visible in your area and how to identify what you find. If you have a telescope, so much the better.
8. Play a board game. It helps if you’re not too competitive, but games like Yahtzee and Scrabble are great two-person games and a fun way to stay connected.
9. Garden together. If you have a green thumb--or even if you don’t--tending a garden or even just a few potted plants can become a shared activity and pleasant escape from the daily grind.
10. Become birdwatchers. For a few dollars you can purchase a guidebook about birds in your area. Then spend a little money on seed and a feeder and have fun keeping track together of how many different kinds of birds visit your backyard.

That’s my list. What other ideas can you come up with? Everyone who leaves a comment on this post will have a chance to win a copy of my debut novel, One Imperfect Christmas, about a couple who must find their way back to each other after tragedy drives them apart. Contest ends midnight Sunday, August 23, and the winner will be contacted by e-mail, so be sure to log in with a valid e-mail address.

Spur of the moment plans can be romantic

Around our busy household,  sometimes the best laid plans fall through. So, we're finding that if we can accustom ourselves to coming up with something on the spur of the moment, or accepting an invitation at the last minute, or working around the plans of others in our household, we can work in a special time together.

Not too long ago, when the rest of our household went on a retreat to Colorado, we'd planned a special meal of the things we love, that they don't all particularly like. But something came up to cancel our plans. A few weeks ago we got the chance to try again. We had a couple of days with the house to ourselves and this time, the weather was nice enough to grill outside. Dan grilled steaks just the way we like them...and I made baked potatoes and Chile Rellenos to go with them. It was a great evening to enjoy a simple meal and each other's company. Sometimes you just can't beat a quiet evening together at home.

Other times, spur of the moment works well when our kids want to have people over and we decide to have an evening out so that they can have time with their friends. It gives us a chance to have some time to ourselves that we hadn't planned on but find immensely enjoyable!

So, plan well, be prepared to have them cancelled, and learn to think fast. :)

 

My Take on a Few Tips

I opened up my Internet browser to prepare this post, and as I scanned the news features before going to our blog site, an article caught my eye.

"Staying Committed and Keeping That Spark Alive!"

Well, hey! Alright! I can use some help with that. I mean, that's what we're all about here at Romance Your Spouse . . . keeping the spark in our marriages alive.

So I started reading the article by Jackie Black, PhD, and while I do agree with the essence of the piece, there were a few suggestions that cracked me up a bit. I'm including some of the tips (and this is not the whole article, you can read that at http://www.hitchedmag.com/), and I'll explain what I mean by cracked up.

Do you and your sweetheart carve out quality alone-time together every
week? Do you both take responsibility for it, or does the task fall to one or
the other of you? Do you allow "real" interruptions to get in the way and spoil
your planned time together?

I'll start here by saying I agree with all of these questions. I agree you need alone time together. It's crucial to a healthy marriage (IMO). And it's a good question of who in the marriage is pushing for your time together. If it's just you, you might need to nudge your spouse (or use a baseball bat to the head, whichever method works best for you and your loved one) to be the one to bring the romance once in a while. And if you're always allowing little distractions like the phone, the TV, children who do not have a medical emergency like a broken limb or foreign objects shoved up their noses, to interrupt your time together, you need to find a way to make it about you as a couple.

Here are a few simple suggestions to prioritize your partner:
Meet once a week to look at your schedules and set aside time
for each other.

I agree with this, too. Maybe a little rigid, but still necessary if you both work, have kids with activities, and you need to schedule things right down to the last minute to fit it all in. So if that's the case, go for it. Schedule your time together and stick with it.

At least once a week, plan a date night. Once a month, plan
a date day (that's right, a whole day from morning to evening). Once each
quarter, plan a weekend get-away. Once each year, plan a week away together.

Okay, I have to say it. This is the one that cracked me up the most. While I agree with the concept behind this suggestion, the reality is sometimes a little harder to come by. My husband and I have three young kids. Loud kids. Energetic kids. Occasionally obnoxious kids. And we're broke. We can't afford to go out once a week because of the cost of babysitters and the cost of the actual date itself. Plus, I don't think we can pay anyone around here enough to stay a whole evening with our kids without breaking the bank.

Now, actually a date day is something we might be able to do if we call in a bunch of favors to arrange for family to watch the kids, but we certainly can't do it every month. They live too far away, and they love us, but not that much.

A weekend get away every quarter falls into the same category as the weekly date, no money and no sitters, and a week long vacation, while a dream come true that I might consider selling some plasma to bring about, there's no way we can make that happen.

So these are good suggestions for some, but mostly unrealistic for couples with young kids.

Mark your planned time in your calendar, just like a dentist appointment or
an appointment with a client. Write it in ink! Mark yourself out for a block of
time.

Definitely do this if it helps, and do your best to stick with it.

Take turns planning your dates each week.

Another good suggestion. Sometimes it can be frustrating to be the one coming up with the romantic ideas for you and your sweetie, but if you let them know in a nice way you'd like a hand, usually they'll comply. They love you and want you to be happy.

Do the grocery shopping and buy a bouquet of flowers for your partner.

You should actually try this for your hubby, too. He can take them to his job (if he works in an office), or they can sit by his favorite chair, and be a reminder of your sweet gesture every time he sees them.

Write a love note and leave it for your partner to find.

Yes.

Take a break from watching TV and doing laundry or other chores. Go to bed early and share massages, talk, or cuddle.

Yes, but again, with little kids, it's sometimes easier said than done. But try to do it anyway, at least once a week.

Turn off the TV, turn on the stereo and have a talk.

This can be SUPER relaxing, and a definite must once the kiddos are in bed.

Kiss your mate Good Morning and Good Night every day. Just say, "I love you."

And when you kiss them, kiss'em like you mean it. No quick peck on the cheek or lips. A real hello and good-bye kiss can speak volumes to your spouse. I know it gets my attention when my hubby does it!

So, anyway. Overall, I liked the article, with a few points that are a little unrealistic for us at this time, but still good ideas to shoot for.

If you can fit any of these ideas into your marriage, I say go for it. But if you are able to get away for a week with your honey, know that I am SOOOOO jealous, but happy for you, too.

Later.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Hello. Denice here again to talk about that whole 'romance on a shoestring budget' thing.

So, I'm not exactly sure where I picked up this little tip, but I gotta say, I've tried it a few times and it works really well when I want to surprise my husband with a bold, loving statement, but I don't want to spend a lot (or any) money.

I take an old tube of lipstick, preferably red, and draw a huge heart on his bathroom mirror. Then I write, "I Luv U" in the center, and (this part may seem a little weird, but looks very cute) I put the lipstick on me and make lipstick "kisses" all around the mirror.

I do this either really early before he gets up, or wait until he's asleep, so the first thing he sees when he turns on the light for his shower is a wonderful wake up message.

He gets a positive and encouraging start to his day, and by the time he gets home, he usually brings something for me, as well (card, flowers, chocolate, whatever).

The only thing you have to worry about is clean-up, but honestly, the mirror probably needed to be cleaned anyway (at least mine does), and now you have a good reason to do it.

Give it a try sometime, and see how your spouse reacts. You both might be pleasantly surprised.
Later.

How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Count The Ways . . .

I was very touched by my husband’s list of ten things he loves about me. And as he said, this is a gesture we reciprocate for each other because, let’s face it; it’s easier to focus on the negative than on the positive in our lives.

I’m not sure why. I think it has something to do with our psychological make up.

My psychology professor in college performed a little experiment for us once. She chose a girl from our class to be “complimented.” When she came in the room, everyone had their assignment about what to say to her.

“I really love your hair today.”

“Those shoes are so cute.”

“I like that shirt.”

Stuff like that.

But one person in the room was given a negative comment to say to her.

“What’s wrong with your hair? It looks weird today.”

When the teacher called on her to ask what people had been saying to her when she came into the room, the first thing she mentioned was the negative comment. And she had a hard time remembering all the nice things people had said, because the negative stuck so firmly in her mind.

And honestly, I think we fall into the same trap in our marriage. I know I struggle with focusing on the perceived negatives – you didn’t take out the trash, you left the window rolled down in the car and it rained, I just mopped the floor and you tracked mud on it – when I should be focusing on all the wonder things my husband says and does each and every day.

So here’s my list and I hope you’ll take the time to focus on all the positive attributes of your spouse, too.

Ten Things I Love About My Husband:

1. He brings me chocolate without my even having to ask.
2. He supports my goal to establish a writing career.
3. He is a great father to our children.
4. He is willing to run errands most husbands would balk at.
5. He massages my scalp for hours when I have a migraine to help ease the pain.
6. He helps around the house when I ask, but doesn’t stress out when the house is a mess.
7. He listens when I need to vent, even if a big game is on (thank goodness for DVR).
8. I have to stand up on my tip-toes to kiss him.
9. I fit perfectly in his arms, even after all these years.

10. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth, even when I’m grungy and gross.

Love Notes

Hello, everyone.

I recently picked up a book on romance: 1001 Ways to be Romantic by Gregory J.P. Godek.

It’s actually pretty good. It’s not a hard read, and the content is laid out in the simplest of terms:
1. Blah, blah, blah.

2. More blah, blah, blah.

(And I say blah, blah not because it’s boring, but because I don’t want to get into trouble with copyright issues for using his material, etc.)

But this book is filled with over a thousand ideas (obviously) from grand: a marching band in the front yard; to small: gaze into each others eyes . . . often.

So I flipped through the book and chose something at random, something simple . . . slip a note into the book he’s reading, telling him you love him.

That was easy enough to do.

He’s always reading a book, so I jotted off a quick message, “Just wanted you to know: I Love You,” and snuck it in between the pages.

Then I waited, and waited, and waited.

I began to wonder if he would see it. Would he realize it was from me, or just throw it away since the book is from the library?

And if he did find it, would he say anything? My hubby is sweet, but not known to mention details on . . . well, anything. Would this be just another piece of paper his wife scrawled on, or would he recognize it as a gesture of love, and know that he’s in my thoughts?

Well, my answer came when one of the twins came bursting into our bedroom where I was working on a manuscript. My husband followed him in and dragged him out so I could continue working, but stopped before closing the door.

“And I love you, too. Thanks for the note.”

I smiled, and he smiled back.

So I’ll keep trying ideas from the book each and let you know how they go.

Later.

Collection of Monthly Ideas

Hi, everyone.

I mentioned in the comments section earlier this month, or maybe it was the end of last month, I'm not sure, anyway . . . I mentioned I would post a list of all the romantic tips and ideas we've had during the month.

And as promised, here is the list, and the person(s) credited with the idea. If you have any more ideas or didn't get credited for something you suggested, let us know in the comments.

Keep sharing your thoughts.

Romance Your Spouse Monthly Ideas:

• Cheap date ideas (matinee movies, two-for-one bowling, hiking and a picnic) – Lacy Williams
• Going for a drive together – Janet Lee Barton, Amy Loos
• Doing a project together (working on flower beds, painting a room, laying down flooring) – Myra Johnson, Carla Stewart
• Give your spouse time to themselves to do the things they enjoy (girlie time or guy time) – Amy Loos
• Late Night Picnic in the living room – Denice Stewart
• Being available when your spouse needs you – Lacy Williams
• Taking a walk together (walking the dog) to talk and reconnect during the week – Amy Loos, Carla Stewart, Erin Young
• Meeting for Lunch during the week – Lacy Williams, Carla Stewart, LaShaunda, Pamela J., Myra Johnson
• Going dancing – Koala Bear Writer
• Explore The Five Love Languages (Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Physical Touch) – Margaret Daley
• E-mail or text each other throughout the day, Kissing in the morning and evening, Taking 30 minutes a day to catch up, Holding hands, Saying “I love you” intentionally – Denice Stewart
• Praying over each other, even for simple errands – Janet Rockey
• Giving your spouse your undivided attention – Pamela J, Becca Dowling
• Cooking a special dinner for your spouse – Mary Connealy, Patti
• Dedicate a song to your sweetie - Sandy
• Spending a birthday at a local Bed and Breakfast – Lacy Williams
• Rather than a special evening out, enjoy a special breakfast together – Myra Johnson
• Afternoon break together outdoors during warmer weather – Myra Johnson
• Combining dinner and a small event, not the movies, like exploring a new shop in town, a high school production, hanging out at Starbucks, going to a bookstore, etc. - Tina

Again, thank you all for your comments and thoughts. Keep them coming!

Our Valentine's Day Plan

So, Valentine’s Day is approaching. Having been married for ten years, my feelings about this day of love and affection are mixed.

As a young married couple, Hubby and I relished the time alone to enjoy a delicious meal, exchange our tokens of love, and express our physical affection behind the closed bedroom door.

Money didn’t matter . . . we could live on love . . . blah, blah, blah.

Now Valentine’s Day is creeping in again, and we are facing a new set of challenges. We have young, rambunctious children (a polite way to say wild heathens), and dear Hubby was laid off last week.

All our babysitting options are busy this year with plans of their own, and we are in a financially difficult position that makes even the tiniest extras harder to justify. So what have Hubby and I decided to do?

We are having a late night picnic in our living room.

I’ll lay out the game plan for you today, and tell you next week if it was successfully executed.

Our children are still young enough to have an early bedtime (8:00pm), and if we wear them out during the day they’ll fall asleep even earlier. We plan to make sure they eat their dinner early, and then we can dine in private later.

We have a special, but affordable, meal planned for the evening, and while one of us gets the kids ready for bed, the other will get the picnic preparations underway.

After the children are down for the night, we will finish laying out the food and any other mood enhancers: candles (placed away from anything flammable, and believe me, I’m capable of forgetting and setting the curtains on fire), flowers, music, etc., and enjoy the night with quiet conversation where we are actually able to hear each other speak.

Then we have the rest of the night to ourselves for . . . whatever.

For us, this option makes the most sense fiscally and logistically. And if it works out, we might be able to have even more quiet and romantic evenings without breaking the bank or imposing on family for babysitting favors.

I’ll update everyone on our success next week.

Later.

The Little Things

Hi everyone.

I just wanted to start this post by saying thanks to all who have commented so far, and entered for the gift card giveaway (if you haven't entered yet, see Friday's post).

And I also want to thank you on behalf of my darling husband (see Thursday's post). He was very excited to get so many responses, and I think he's secretly looking forward to the next time I "drag" him into writing something for me.

I have to say, my husband can be quite the romantic guy. There have been some sure-fire winners in the romance department over the years, and there have been some not-so-great moments.

In the last few years, though, I have to say we have been struggling with romance, and I have an idea why. Actually I have three ideas why: Twin A, Twin B, and the Princess.

Having small children makes it difficult, if not impossible, to keep up with the little things that nurture a relationship. And it also makes the big things: trips away with just the two of us, or a regular date night almost out of the question.

So we've been trying the little everyday things to make it better, to blow on that tiny ember in hopes of stoking the fire.

And as sad as it may seem, these little things are deliberate because in the daily struggle to keep the kids from swinging on the ceiling fans, we tend to forget about just enjoying each other until a month or more has passed, and we're both left thinking, "What in the world is going on?"

We have been trying to take the time to:

• Send an e-mail or text message to let the other know we're thinking about them.


• Kiss in the morning before he goes to work, and as soon as he comes home from work.


• Make sure we spend thirty minutes every night catching up with each other after the kids have gone to bed, with no TV, Internet, or flipping through a book or magazine to distract us. This way, we actually listen to each other.


• Holding hands while we're driving in the car, even if it's just to go to the grocery store. With three kids in the backseat competing to be heard, even if we can't have silence to enjoy, when we hold hands, it still feels like we're connected . . . a united front.


• Saying, "I love you," and really meaning it. I thought about how many times we're on the phone, or rushing in and out the door, and toss out a quick "I love you" like we'd say, "See you later," or, "Be home after six." This way, I put the true emotion and feeling behind the words, and hopefully it lets him know we may not still be in our early lovey-dovey stage of marriage, but we are in a deep, true, and committed relationship.

Those are the little things we try to do every day. We do them deliberately, but in all honesty I have to say they don't always work out.

This morning I was in the shower when Hubby and the boys left the house, so no kiss or intentional "I love you." Hubby has a lot going on with his job right now, so no text or e-mail today.

But we still try, and I hope you will share some of the little things you do to sustain the romance.

Later!