Your Romance in Rhythm

I recently read a very thought-provoking book entitled Your Life in Rhythm, by Bruce Miller. Miller theorizes that the balance paradigm--trying to give equal time and energy to all the various aspects of our lives--is a recipe for disappointment and unnecessary stress.

Instead, he advocates paying attention to the natural rhythms of life and then learning to live within those rhythms. Look deeper and it’s easy to see the rhythm patterns in the everyday (waking up in the morning, mealtimes, your work routine, end-of-the-day rituals, bedtime), in the flow of a typical week (workdays, weekends), in the change of seasons through the year, in the life stages we all go through from birth to death.

The stages of a romance also have a certain rhythm: meeting, courtship, deepening love, marriage, starting a family, comfortable familiarity--and probably several phases of cycling between romance and disillusionment through the years. I believe one of the keys to a lasting marriage is recognizing the seasons, or rhythms, of romance and making the most of each one.

If you’re newlyweds, relish the passion, but don’t expect to keep up that intensity for the rest of your lives. If you’re new parents, you’ve entered a season of marriage with demands on your time you may not have been fully prepared for. But the children grow up--through a whole bunch of crazy and challenging seasons of their own!--and one day you find yourselves empty-nesters . . . and possibly wondering, Who is this stranger I’m married to?

Since these marriage rhythms are predictable, it makes sense to plan for them instead of chafing against them. What “season” of marriage are you experiencing right now? What pitfalls have you identified? What do you enjoy most about this season? Are there any expectations you need to release to live in this season more fully?

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” --Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV)

Love Notes

Hello, everyone.

I recently picked up a book on romance: 1001 Ways to be Romantic by Gregory J.P. Godek.

It’s actually pretty good. It’s not a hard read, and the content is laid out in the simplest of terms:
1. Blah, blah, blah.

2. More blah, blah, blah.

(And I say blah, blah not because it’s boring, but because I don’t want to get into trouble with copyright issues for using his material, etc.)

But this book is filled with over a thousand ideas (obviously) from grand: a marching band in the front yard; to small: gaze into each others eyes . . . often.

So I flipped through the book and chose something at random, something simple . . . slip a note into the book he’s reading, telling him you love him.

That was easy enough to do.

He’s always reading a book, so I jotted off a quick message, “Just wanted you to know: I Love You,” and snuck it in between the pages.

Then I waited, and waited, and waited.

I began to wonder if he would see it. Would he realize it was from me, or just throw it away since the book is from the library?

And if he did find it, would he say anything? My hubby is sweet, but not known to mention details on . . . well, anything. Would this be just another piece of paper his wife scrawled on, or would he recognize it as a gesture of love, and know that he’s in my thoughts?

Well, my answer came when one of the twins came bursting into our bedroom where I was working on a manuscript. My husband followed him in and dragged him out so I could continue working, but stopped before closing the door.

“And I love you, too. Thanks for the note.”

I smiled, and he smiled back.

So I’ll keep trying ideas from the book each and let you know how they go.

Later.

View from the Empty Nest: Keeping the romance alive

Hi, Myra Johnson here. I’m delighted to be a part of this fun new blog, where you’ll find a variety of perspectives from a variety of women--and the occasional male!

My husband and I are mid-life empty-nesters, which makes it a real challenge to keep the romantic fires burning. Next May, we’ll celebrate 37 years of marriage, and though I can’t say they’ve all been great, we’ve never wavered in our commitment to each other and to the sanctity of marriage. When times got rocky, we stuck it out. We talked. More importantly, we listened. And we prayed.

Staying romantic, however, remains a challenge! As empty-nesters we enjoy a certain amount of personal and financial freedom. I’m not a big fan of cooking, so we like to dine out at least a couple of times a week. The usual routine is to hop in the car and start the “Where do you want to eat?--I don’t know, you choose” conversation.

In order to bring back that “dating” feeling, we have to do a little planning, choose an extra-special restaurant, dress up to please our sweetie. Romance takes effort and imagination. As someone said in an earlier post, romance must be intentional. And being intentional about romance can be a real struggle for married couples stuck in the everyday grind.

One resource we’ve found helpful is 10 Great Dates for Empty Nesters, by Dave and Claudia Arp. The relationship advice, date suggestions, and discussion questions provide the framework. With a little extra planning and follow-through, these dates will help you draw closer as you spend quality time together and share from the heart.

****

Myra Johnson and her husband, Jack, have been married since 1972. Recent transplants from Texas to Oklahoma, they share their home with two love-hungry dogs and a snobby parakeet. The Johnsons have two married daughters and five grandchildren. Myra’s debut novel, One Imperfect Christmas, is slated for a September 2009 release from Abingdon Press. You can visit more with Myra on her website, on her personal blog, and also in Seekerville.