Thursday, April 23, 2009

Another Dude's Perspective on Romance

I am pleased to announce we have another male victim . . . er, guest blogger today. His name is Matt Jones, and he is a friend from WIN-ACFW, the Tulsa chapter of ACFW.

Thank you Matt, for being here today.



That word could scare the moustache off the Marlboro man. What is it about that word that makes men want to run and hide, hunkered down like fourth graders under their desks in a tornado drill?

Why is it that grown men, men who have been married for years, who have attained the sacred grail of holy matrimony and wooed some poor, unsuspecting woman into a life with them – why do these men still quail at the turn of the calendar every February when Valentine’s day peeks it’s chocolate covered head around the corner?

In a word, it’s simply this: misunderstanding.

When I first became a father, I had a difficult time figuring out how to relate to my little son. At about the age of two, he went from happily playing by himself with toys to, “Daddy! Come play with me!”

How does one play with a two year old?

I had no earthly idea and stressed over the PRESSURE of playing with my two year old little boy. What if I did it wrong? What if he didn’t like the way I played with his toys? What if I damaged his toddler psyche to the point that he grew up hating me and… But I digress.

Finally my wife, whom I consider to be the most fantastic mother on the planet and an expert on all things “child,” had the perfect solution.

“Just sit beside him while he plays. All he wants is for you to be there.”

Sounds simple, right?

But for me, it was revolutionary. First, it was SO much easier than I thought it would be! Not only that, but it took the pressure of performance off of me. Second, it struck me that all I was doing was whatever it took to make him happy. I was, in a sense, romancing him.

Through the years, I’ve found that the relationship between my wife and I is no different. If I set out to try and perform perfect acts of romance for her, and if I try to carry the weight of making romance happen, I wind up feeling stressed and incapable from the beginning.

But, if I approach the idea of romancing my wife by simply choosing to do whatever makes her happy, I’m practicing the “just be there” mentality and romance is produced naturally.

So what does that translate to?

Well, since I’m only married to my wonderful wife, I can only tell you what she loves; and more than anything, she loves for me to have a plan that I’ve thought of in advance specifically catered to her.

I imagine that one day I’ll pull it all together and plan the perfect day of one surprising event after another, with Rio Samba roses and an appropriate change of outfit waiting at every stop.

Ahhhhh . . .

But until that day, it helps to at least start with not making her decide where we should go out to dinner on our anniversary when we climb into the car. Yeah . . . know that ahead of time.

The best way to never get romance right is to try really, really hard to get it perfect without considering who you’re doing it for. Romance isn’t about performance; it’s about caring so much for someone that all you want to do is whatever it takes to make them happy.

And, like the saying goes, when Mama’s happy . . . everybody’s happy.

Matt Jones

Matt is a husband, father, writer, and the president of Jones House Creative. Visit his website at

1 comment:

  1. Oh, yeah, Matt, you get it!!!! I need to send my hubby over here!