Tuesday, March 31, 2009

How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Count The Ways . . .

I was very touched by my husband’s list of ten things he loves about me. And as he said, this is a gesture we reciprocate for each other because, let’s face it; it’s easier to focus on the negative than on the positive in our lives.

I’m not sure why. I think it has something to do with our psychological make up.

My psychology professor in college performed a little experiment for us once. She chose a girl from our class to be “complimented.” When she came in the room, everyone had their assignment about what to say to her.

“I really love your hair today.”

“Those shoes are so cute.”

“I like that shirt.”

Stuff like that.

But one person in the room was given a negative comment to say to her.

“What’s wrong with your hair? It looks weird today.”

When the teacher called on her to ask what people had been saying to her when she came into the room, the first thing she mentioned was the negative comment. And she had a hard time remembering all the nice things people had said, because the negative stuck so firmly in her mind.

And honestly, I think we fall into the same trap in our marriage. I know I struggle with focusing on the perceived negatives – you didn’t take out the trash, you left the window rolled down in the car and it rained, I just mopped the floor and you tracked mud on it – when I should be focusing on all the wonder things my husband says and does each and every day.

So here’s my list and I hope you’ll take the time to focus on all the positive attributes of your spouse, too.

Ten Things I Love About My Husband:

1. He brings me chocolate without my even having to ask.
2. He supports my goal to establish a writing career.
3. He is a great father to our children.
4. He is willing to run errands most husbands would balk at.
5. He massages my scalp for hours when I have a migraine to help ease the pain.
6. He helps around the house when I ask, but doesn’t stress out when the house is a mess.
7. He listens when I need to vent, even if a big game is on (thank goodness for DVR).
8. I have to stand up on my tip-toes to kiss him.
9. I fit perfectly in his arms, even after all these years.
10. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth, even when I’m grungy and gross.


  1. What a sweet list, Denice! I like the one where he massages your scalp when you have a headache. My sweetie has done that for me on occasion. Even if it doesn't help the headache much, it sure says love like nothing else!

  2. I don't know what it is, maybe the pressure points along my scalp, but it relieves the pain long enough for the medicine to kick in.

    And I appreciate when he does it very much, especially if it happens to be 3am, which has happened on occasion.